A Desperate Plea

I write because this is my outlet. I am angry, frustrated, scared and sad. Connor continues to have major feeding problems. It does not seem to get any better. It feels like Hagie and I have failed in some way. Tonight we took Connor to the Decatur Beach Festival, was fun and frustrating all in one. I sat and watched other children eat corndogs, ice cream, chicken strips, snow cones etc and literally pray for the day that my child will eat any of it. Connor has stopped eating even his usuals. This is scary for me. He's a little guy with not much weight to gamble with. He's gotten cranky and I watch his little body and know that it must want food. Why won't my precious child eat? And why do I feel like I have no control? I guess I don't.

I get so tired of people telling me "its ok, he'll eat when he wants to," this really isn't comforting to me. I hear his stomach growl and watch him refuse ALL types of foods. I pray desperately for the day I can take Connor to McDonald's and he'll actually be excited to get a Happy Meal!

I worry and think about worse case scenarios. Will my child end up with a feeding tube, will we need to literally take out a loan to pay for some type of specialized treatment for children who don't eat? Will his little body continue to grow and will his brain continue to absorb all the things that it should be if its not getting the proper nutrition? It all seems negative I know but when I sit day after day, night after night and watch my child refuse food I don't know what else to think.

I sit in tears as my little guy is asleep in his bed. I pray for him. I pray for me and Hagie. I pray for the day that I wont have to worry about what he eats or how much. I pray for the day I can take my child on fun outings and not worry about what he is going to eat while we are there.

Desperately praying and thinking of my favorite little guy.......