Initimate Encounters

I have said it before and I'll say it again, I love my career. The only down side to being a therapist is that on occasion, I feel the same emotional pain for what my clients may be going through that they do. Some days are easier than others at leaving "it" in my office and going home.

One of the reasons I love my job so much is that once trust is established, my clients invite me into their personal space and share some of their most intimate encounters with me. I am thankful to each and every client who invites me "in."

Yesterday, a client that I've been working with for about a year, asked that I come visit her for a "little while" at Emory Hospital. She's been at Emory since January 2, watching her husband slowly decline, end up in pulmonary ICU, and now has been told the end is near. I've worked with her since her husband initially went through chemo and other treatment for esophagus cancer. I showed up at the Emory ICU unit, expecting that she definitely needed some support that was different from what her family and friends could offer but not expecting that she would invite me to sit with her at her dying husband's bedside. At that point, I swallowed my own anxiety for hospitals and beeping machines, and accepted her invite with my own understanding that there was a reason for her request.

My heart broke as I sat, offering comforting words and also making some recommendations as to how she could try to decrease her own anxiety about the situation, all while she sat and held his hand. My poor client was doing what most people do in these situations; she sat, eyes glued to the machine that tracks his heart rate, blood pressure, oxygen etc. It was painful to watch. Nurses would come in and out, offering little direct information and telling my client that she would need to talk to the doctors when they came through for rounds the next day. If any of you have been in her shoes, tomorrow's rounds isn't good enough! Part of being a true social worker/therapist is advocating for your clients and this was my opportunity to do so for her. I grabbed the nurse with my client's permission, and told the nurse that I was her therapist and was there to offer support and help her through an extremely difficult process but that I needed some information in order to do that. Much to my surprise, the nurse was accommodating and revealed that her husband was nearing the end and that the doctors were prepared to talk with my client the next morning about "letting go" and decreasing the support that is keeping her husband alive. For a moment, I had to stand against the wall and work out in my own head exactly what I was going to say to my client, especially since she had asked me to talk to the nurse and get any information that they would give me.

Long story shortened, I sat with my client as she wept over her husband's struggling body and conveyed that maybe it was time to start the "letting go" process and enjoy the moments with her husband. She took my advice and had the monitoring system turned around and silenced and continues to spend each moment with him, moment to moment and she will continue to do this until his body cannot do it anymore.

I am so grateful for this client. She invited me into what will turn out to be her most intimate and painful memories with her husband as he laid there on life support, his body showing signs of deterioration. She soothed him through touch and by telling him it will all be okay; all while on the inside feeling terrified. Her greatest fear was becoming her reality. She would lose her husband at a young age and would be left to parent her 11 yr old son and 16 yr old daughter without him.

Why am I grateful? I am grateful because all though it was her intimate encounter, I was also impacted and was reminded of a valuable lesson. The reminder: live in each moment of every day, treasuring the moments with the people I love every chance I get, not taking any days for granted. Life is delicate, our own mortality not promised from one day to the next.

Thanks to TG for inviting me into her "space" and for allowing me to share her experience with her. TG you have taught me a lesson about life, love, strength and endurance!