Hula Hoops

I am fortunate enough to be a part of a "small group" on Monday nights with a group of fabulous ladies. Tonight's discussion centered around the fact that most women juggle more than one hula hoop at at time. I identified my many hula hoops as:

Mother
Stepmother
Wife
Therapist
Taxi-driver
Cook
Cleaning lady
Sister
Daughter
Friend

Juggling my many hula hoops is no easy task. And undoubtedly I cannot keep every hoop afloat perfectly all the time. This is frustrating to me. I want to be the best at everything I do all the time. But I have also learned during time spent with my small group ladies that its okay to set priorities and that I don't have to be perfect at any of it. I just have to do my best.

All that being said, life has a funny way of picking for us sometimes which hula hoop needs to take priority. For me, this week it's my hula hoop with "stepmom" written on it. My heart is heavy with worry for my stepson, who many of you know, I really don't even like to refer to as a stepson because in my heart he's my son! Victor has not had an easy life. His beginning years are confusing to him and their are people in his life that haven't been truthful to him. So at the age of 18, I sit and watch my "son" try to develop an identity for himself and I provide guidance and a listening ear when he asks. This past week I had an experience with Vic that will not be easily forgotten. As I sat on our front porch, enjoying the beautiful sunshine, Vic came outside and sat with me, tears in his eyes. All of the details of that private conversation aren't appropriate to put here, what is important is that I have a "son" that is hurting and I want to take it all away. I want to take all of the emotional pain that he has carried for the majority of his life and throw it away so he doesn't have to hurt anymore. But I cant do that. What I can do is be the best "mom" I can be for him and make myself available to him so that we can share more "porch moments." As we both sat in tears on the front porch, I was reminded that there is a love and trust between him and I that no one may understand and I want to continue to be there for him. Parenting is hard, step-parenting is even harder.

Praying for sunny days ahead for my son Vic and praying that he knows he is loved beyond measure by a stepmother who will always love him as my own.

Praying that the God I serve will provide Vic with peace and comfort. Praying that Vic will come to believe in himself as much as I do and praying that my God keeps him safe in the meantime.