Another Year

Thirty-four is approaching quickly. And it comes with stress, decisions, and hope that the upcoming year will bring some changes and happiness with it. That's not to say that 33 has been bad but it's definitely been a challenging year for me. Within the past year, my private practice has grown steady and busy, I've become a full-time stepmom to a 18 yr old who has a mind of his own and Hagie continues to travel every week. And let me not forget that busy little four-year old that lights up my life each and every day :)

I am fully aware that I'm not getting any younger and that a sibling for Connor would be ideal. But many days and nights I find myself questioning for WHO??? Would I like another child...absolutely....do I think its the best time in my life to be making that decision....not really. This creates quite a sense of internal conflict. Maybe part of my internal conflict is knowing what I can and cannot handle.

There's an internal conflict brewing between my faith that all works out the way it should and my logic that tells me to try and control everything that I can. I'm not sure those two things fit together. I mean, if I'm going to have faith, then shouldn't I trust it all the time???? And where does logic fit in? At what point do you take decision making into your own hands and pray for the best?? And is there a time when this is just plain irrational?