Challenge Day 7: My Best Friend

I have thought about this post for two days. The problem is that I'm not sure I can narrow down one best friend. If I were asked who my best friend is, I'd likely hesitate because more than one person would come to mind. I've been richly blessed in the friendship department over the years; not so much because of the number of friends but because of the quality of those in my life that I feel fortunate enough to call friends! I'm going to save Hagie for a post all of his own and keep this one about the group of women in my life that I consider family but aren't blood. My mom and sister are absolutely two people that I would identify as a best friend but I'll save them for their own post too!

I'm going to introduce you to the fabulous women friends in my life, in the order in which they entered my life. They are all incredibly important to me and have never failed to walk by my side.

Amy White Rene:

I met Amy when I was a graduate school student at The University of Georgia in the summer of 1999. Amy and I were both in the accelerated Master of Social Work program and had several classes together. In the beginning, Amy and I were just classmates. Once we got to know each other, our friendship blossomed pretty quickly. Amy was a key player in introducing me to the world of Child Protective Services. By the time I met her, she had already worked several years at Gwinnett Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS) in the foster care unit. Amy took time out of her hectic schedule to introduce me to the powers that were at Gwinnett DFCS and I ended up with an interview and a job! Amy and I found that we had a lot in common and began spending time together on the weekends. This was in my single days and Amy had just divorced so we enjoyed going to the dance clubs with our other "DFCS friends." Amy and I have remained close and to date, she's been in my life almost 12 years! Amy is selfless, non-judgmental, fun-loving, honest, one of my biggest supporters, and always has the ability to calm my anxiety. Amy knows EVERYTHING and loves me anyway:). She is often a voice of sanity for me when my anxiety takes over. We have shared many memories over the years and we have definitely identified some favorite things to do together:

• Good conversation over a lemon-drop martini...or two :)
• Dance and yes, we dance better than your average white girl...just saying...
• We can talk hours about social work issues and not blink an eye!
• Allow the other to vent without offering a solution because sometimes we just need a listening ear
• Eat...love us a good meal!
• Travel (Buffalo, NY to Anita's wedding; the beach).
• In September 2011, we went on our first annual "Moms and Kids" beach trip! We had a blast!!
• Consignment shopping
• Amy was a bridesmaid in my wedding.

I am a proud Godmomma of Amy's daughter, Elza! Elza stole my heart before she ever entered the outside world. Not only are Amy and I bonded through friendship but we are now bonded through Elza. How lucky am I!

Natasha Rachell: I met Tasha in 2001 while I was working part-time at Bath and Body Works. Tasha was my manager.Tasha was a key player in moving me out of my part-time work at BBW, post Master's, to linking me to AJ Norris of Pathways.  What can I say, Tasha is my girl! Tasha and I have been through life milestones together and I have no doubt I could call Tasha anytime, day or night, and she'd be there for whatever I need. My friendship with Tasha is special. We don't get to see each other as often as we'd like nor do we get to chat as much as we'd enjoy, but when we do it's like we haven't missed a beat. Tasha and I "get" each other. When we talk, no explanation is necessary, no background information is needed and there is never a lack of words! Tasha is genuine. She loves from the depths of her heart. She has been a supporter of me and Hagie from day one and never misses an opportunity to ask how he's doing. She loves my little family and I love her for it! I've known Tasha now for about 11 years and I cannot imagine my life without her friendship. Some favorite memories of us together include:

• talking about the good-looking men that came into the store at Lenox through our headphones...we tend to have similar taste :)
• nights of red wine after closing the store at Lenox
• Tasha was a bridesmaid in my wedding. She was eight months pregnant with Jacob and I was in love with her belly!
• We've been through one pregnancy of hers and two for me. One of my favorite memories is of visiting her at DeKalb Medical when she had Jacob and sharing a "taste" of henessey in the hospital with her husband in celebration of Jacob.
• Dinner and beer at Taco Mac
• Weight Watcher buddies
• My memaw ADORED Tasha. Tasha went with me to visit my memaw a time or two and all memaw could talk about was how pretty she thought Tasha was!

Tasha is a constant source of sunshine in my life despite the limited amount of time we get to spend together.

Anita Gozdzialski Farooq: I met Anita in 2001 when I started working at Pathways Transition Programs. I'll never forget the day I was told I got the job. One of the administrators said to me "There's another blond, single girl working for us and I bet y'all have a blast!" Well, he couldn't have been more right! Anita and I are exactly 366 days a part in age. I'm older...hehe. Two Gemini peas in a pod. It  feels like we were instant friends. Not only did we work together, but we ended up living at the same apartment complex in Sandy Springs. It was great; all we had to do to hang out was skip across the courtyard! Not long after I began working with Anita, she and I were sent to Montgomery, Alabama for a work related training. Road Trip!! Training during the day, eating out and shopping at night. How could that be bad! Unfortunately, for many years of our friendship, Anita and I have lived in different states, different countries. I miss her to my core. I joke with her on the phone about how I NEEEED her to come to Atlanta. Okay, so that's not really realistic considering she currently lives in Doha but every time I talk to her I am reminded of why I miss her so much. Anita is a girl's girl! I love that about her. When we lived in the same complex, it was great; I got the benefit of her accessory collection! Anita has a open heart, she's genuine, committed, loyal and has an incredible ability to have fun no matter what. Anita and her husband, Umar, share the same wedding anniversary as Hagie and I. How cool is that!! Some of my favorite memories of my friendship with Anita are:

• road trip to Montgomery, Alabama (helloooo dance club)
• bottles of wine and episodes of Sex in the City
• Trips to Buffalo, NY
• house slippers
• staying up talking "girl" talk til we both literally fall asleep mid conversation
• quick, marathon shopping for a bargain
• Anita was a bridesmaid in my wedding and I was a bridesmaid in hers.
• Pole dance lesson in Buffalo, NY
• meeting to shop in the "ghetto" in between clients
• Connor's first airplane ride was a trip to visit Aunt Anita
• Four hour hair sessions at Salon Oliver in midtown. We scheduled our appointments together, for Friday afternoons, and enjoyed happy hour at the hair salon!

My love and respect for Anita goes beyond anything I can type here. I cannot wait til she is state-side and seeing her more regularly becomes a realistic option. Until then, we'll continue to play endless games of phone tag and a cram lots of life into phone conversations.

Elantrice Hughley: I met Elantrice in 2002 when I worked at Pathways and she was a Child Protective Case Manager in Fulton County. Initially, our time together was spent seeing the families she referred together at their homes. It turned into me recruiting her for a job at Pathways. I like to think I saved her from the DFCS world. My friendship with Elantrice A.K.A "Auntie," comes easy. Though I went to Disney World as a kid, Elantrice introduced me to Disney World as an adult. When Connor was 18 months old, Elantrice and I took him for his first trip. Since then, we can often be heard talking about our "need" to schedule another Disney trip, spend some time in "somebody's store" which typically consists of Target, Barnes and Noble or the mall. A quick stop at a Starbucks is always on the agenda no matter what we are doing...we need "fuel" for our play time! She got me hooked on what we refer to as "Triple M's." A marble mocha machiatto. Always good for the soul. Elantrice is a staple in my life as well as in the lives of my babies. For that, I am so grateful. There are so many qualities that make Elantrice a "best friend": she calls me out and tells me like it is, she's loyal, she's generous in more than one way, she makes me laugh, she's honest, she's an optimist, she's fun, and we enjoy a lot of the same things. She can also make fun of me and I have no choice but to laugh with her. Some of my favorite memories of our friendship include:

• many Disney World trips. I am officially a collector of many things Disney thanks to Elantrice
• camping out at the Disney Store to get Sammie the Disney Princess Designer Collection dolls, we left my house at 3:00am that morning.
• countless shopping trips with our Starbucks in hand
• lunches/dinners at Cheesecake Factory
• RV trips with the Hughleys
• Downtown Disney's World of Disney madness. "Do we need a basket?" "I'll just put it in my basket and decide later."
• I'll never forget the day Elantrice drove me to Snellville when my mom was in the emergency room and I was too anxious to drive. A great example of Elantrice's spirit.
• Fashion makeovers
• our ability to cut up no matter where we are and pay no mind to what others are thinking
• Weight Watchers

Not only is Elantrice one of my best friends, she is extremely important to the Cook household. Connor affectionately refers to her as "auntie" and has figured out all he has to do is look at her a certain way and she'll get him what he wants. But not before she "checks" his behavior. I am thankful for her friendship and the role she plays in my children's lives.

Three out of four of my girls were in my wedding. Here's a pic:

*I feel like I need to mention that I have a small group of amazing childhood friends that are not mentioned here. Those girls will be written about in a separate entry.

So Good I Just Have To Share...

I've briefly mentioned my friend Patti on an earlier post. I don't think I mentioned her by name but she's given me permission to share her story. Patti is a friend I met at the office. She is in the office right across the hall and I've missed her lately as she has been out in the fight for her life...literally. She's a single mom to two beautiful adolescent boys and  all of her family is out of state. Thankfully, she has a network of friends and colleagues that have surrounded her with love and support.

 Patti was diagnosed with rectal melanoma (very rare) about two months ago. Quickly, Patti was scheduled for surgery and her entire rectum removed (best chance for long-term survival), a colostomy bag put in and more scans done to see if the cancer had spread. Unfortunately, the news isn't good. There are nodules on her liver. In Patti's words "they say my liver is covered in cysts." Patti underwent biopsies of her liver and the tests came back positive for melanoma. The diagnosis: Stage 4 liver melanoma. Her medical team wasted no time explaining to Patti what her options are, gave her a grim prognosis, and immediately began the process of getting her set up to undergo an extremely strenuous treatment. Evidently, melanoma is typically resistant to chemotherapy.  Patti has to check into the ICU for 7 days at a time while her body receives intravenous poisonous drugs every twelve hours. She has to be in the ICU because the medication is so strong that it tends to create havoc on the major organ systems and she has to be closely monitored to see how well her body tolerates the treatment.

I visited with Patti in the ICU during her first treatment. Other than being annoyed at the beeping machines she was connected to, she was in great spirits. I admire her for that. From day one, she has been positive, choosing to believe that she is strong (which she is) and is going to "kick cancer's ass." I probably drove her nuts during my visit because I had so many questions but the unknown is scary and it seems easier to support her when I know the specifics. Patti set her goal to handle all 14 treatments during her first ICU stay, a treatment every 8 hours. Patti tolerated 12 treatments  like a champ! Her doctor and nurses say she holds the record for enduring the most treatments during one stay. Go Patti Pat!

Patti was able to be home with her boys for Christmas and reported that she had more energy than she expected and was able to rest and spend time with her children. God is good. Patti checked into the ICU earlier today after going through blood tests and scans to see how her body reacted to the first round. In Patti's words via text "OMG my oncologist just left. She confirmed significant reduction in my liver and she said my lungs had 3 or 4 nodules and now they're nearly gone. She (the doc) said that rarely happens. She (the doc) was really excited." The cool thing is that Patti has such a sense of humor that she is able to find the humor even in her fight against cancer. Patti said "the great news is that the treatment is helping, the not so great news is that I didn't even know I had cancer nodules on my lungs!" The even cooler thing is that Patti gives credit where credit is due: God.

As Patti begins this second round of treatment, I will continue to pray for her and her boys. I'll continue to believe that God answers prayers the best way he sees fit. I look forward to updating my blog on her progress and couldn't pass up an opportunity to write about something POSITIVE!! Thanks Patti for letting me share your story.

Challenge Day 6: My Day (Yesterday)

Sundays are family day at the Cook household. We usually attend Andy Stanley's Buckhead Church but yesterday we made the decision to enjoy being home and with each other. More days than not, Hagie and I are exhausted by the end of the day so sometimes it's nice to have a day where we don't have any expectations.

Surprisingly, yesterday I was pretty productive. I had some energy and felt motivated. After having Connor almost six years ago, I've learned to take full advantage of having some "extra" energy and to maximize whenever possible. That being said, here's what my day looked like yesterday:

1. I let Hagie sleep in. He's so good to let me get an extra hour or so on the weekends when I'm not working or if we are going to the late service at church. Hagie works hard and I know he's tired too.
2. While Hagie got a little extra sleep, I got up with Sammie and Connor. I made a pot of coffee, fixed Connor his chocolate chip waffle, fed Sammie Sam, and cleaned the kitchen.
3. Made lemon-poppy seed muffins.
4. Watched Andy Stanley live online at 11am. Always worth the time!
5. Worked on the endless mound of laundry that never appears to get any smaller no matter how much laundry we do!
6. Organized Sammie's clothes. She's growing so fast.
7. Taught Connor how to make up his bed.
8. Helped Connor clean his room.
9. Made potato soup and sandwiches for lunch.
10. Did a blog entry.
11. Cleaned the bathrooms. Connor's is a great helper. He actually likes to help clean the bathrooms!
12. Took a nap with Connor. Sweetness. I love that he still wants to lay close.
13. Playtime with Sammie.
14. Fed Sammie her dinner. Carrots and prunes.
15. Made hamburgers for dinner. Family dinner at the table. Love it!
16. Picked out work clothes for Monday.
17. Daily devotional (with Hagie) and journal
18. Bedtime with a book..."Still Missing."

I think I remembered everything! Throw in there several "nursing" sessions with Sammie and some Facebook/Pinterest/Blogger time and I think my list of activities is complete. It was a great day. A day with my family and I was productive.

Challenge Day 5: My Definition of Love

When I think of love, it feels broad and limitless. I've experienced love in various forms throughout my 35 years. There are different types of love. There is the love between husband and wife, domestic partners, a parent and child, a grandparent and grandchild, family members, godparent and godchild, friends, man's best friend and his owner, the love for and from our heavenly father and those we love because our heart tells us to. I'm not sure I can really sum up a solid definition of love. I've compiled a list of characteristics/words that I'd feel compelled to include in the definition of love if "Mr. Webster" approached me for help with the dictionary:

• unconditional
• give and take
• forgiving
• having each other's back
• dependable but not co-dependent
• comforting
• passionate
• non-judgmental
• considerate
• care about the other's well-being
• compassion
• transparent
• supportive
• sincere
• wanting what's in the best interest of the other
• encouraging

Love makes the world go round. It's how I feel secure in my world even when I hit a bump in the road. For me, it feels as good to "show" love as it is to receive it. That's the give and take. I am so grateful for all the love in my life and the different relationships from which it comes my way!

Challenge Day 4: What I Ate (Yesterday)

I"m pretty sure that no one cares what I ate yesterday but to be true to the "outline" I suppose I'll list yesterday's intake here. Fortunately for me, there's nothing too embarrassing to record in terms of what I consumed :)

Breakfast:
Coffee with sugar and Almond Joy creamer
Granola Bar
water

Lunch:
Reduced Fat crackers with Sharp White Cheddar Cheese and a Dr. Thunder (yep, you read that right! Tastes the same as Dr. Pepper and cheaper!)

Dinner:
Two bean burritos and more Dr. Thunder.
Water

Bedtime snack:
Two pieces of Christmas chocolate.
water

Well, that was exciting.

Challenge Day 3: My Parents

I have absolutely no idea where to start with this so I'm just going to dive in. My parents are Thomas Michael Chisolm and Tina Dianne Chisolm (Rappa). They are incredible.

My dad is the middle child of three siblings born to Durward and Robbie Sue Chisolm. He was born in Meridian, Mississippi and moved to Decatur when he was in elementary school.  To this day, he calls Mississippi home.  My dad didn't have the easiest of childhoods. Born to a father who was an alcoholic and gambler, he often did without. He knew things that he shouldn't have known. He doesn't talk about it much but when he does I like to listen to his stories. One of my favorite stories to hear my dad tell is one that involves my granddad's involvement with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Fortunately, my grandfather stopped drinking when my dad was still a child. My grandfather quit drinking cold turkey and started going to AA meetings. He maintained sobriety from that day forward. He died when he was in his 80's; a sober man. His AA sponsor bought my dad his very first baseball glove. It's a good thing because my dad is a good ball player and continued to play ball well into my childhood. I used to love going to watch my dad play! One of my favorite memories is that my dad and I used to share a can of Hungry Jack biscuits EVERY morning before school. Maybe "share" isn't the right word. I ate seven, he had three. Not exactly an even split but he never complained.  I'm a daddy's girl now and forever.

My dad is a hard worker. As a younger man, my dad was a land surveyor. Eventually, he ended up owner of Chisolm's TV and Stereo, a business that his father started. We give my dad a hard time because his shop used to be in the building that is now Blind Willies in the Virginia Highlands. Before making the decision to move his business to East Point, he had an opportunity to buy the Blind Willies building for the cheap cheap. He didn't but as dad says "it wasn't meant to be." My dad still drives to East Point every day from Snellville. Chisolm's TV and Stereo is still in business. The only time my dad didn't go to work was if he was snowed in,it was Christmas or the one beach week he took a year. He always provided and took care of us. He worked hard so my mom could stay at home with me and my sister when we were growing up. For that, I am immensely thankful.

Some of my favorite things to do with my dad growing up were playing a good game of HORSE in basketball, playing tennis at the beach, throwing the tennis ball up against the house to see who could catch it and practicing softball. One of my fondest memories is of us playing an endless number of UNO on the couch before bedtime. He never hesitated to spend time with me.

I am so thankful for having a dad that knows its okay to cry and show emotion, that would sit on my bed and let me cry when I needed to, and that continues to show absolute unconditional love and support. I am thankful that my Dad is such a strong Christian man. My dad rocks for so many reasons!

My mom is the only daughter of two children born to Vito and Marie Rappa. My mom was born in Decatur and spent her childhood, teenage and early married years there until she moved to Snellville with my dad in 1972. My granddad was a WWII vet, NAVY,that worked most of his adult life at a printing company. My grandmother was a successful real estate agent. My mom's mom is my only living grandparent. My mom was also the child of an alcoholic. I've blogged about Vito in the past. No doubt, his experience in the war was emotionally damaging and alcohol became his way of dealing with the horrific memories associated with being in the war.

My mother is beautiful. She was in the "popular" crowd at school and was on the Homecoming Court in high school. What makes my mom even more beautiful is that her beauty is both within and external. And she has no idea just how beautiful she is. My mom was a stay-at-home mom most of my childhood. She began teaching preschool at our church and I'm sure made her mark on many young hearts. Now that I'm a mother, I recognize the sacrifice she made to stay home with us. There was such security in knowing that every day after school my mom's car was going to be in the driveway. About once a week, maybe more, my mom took me and my sister to McDonald's for french fries for our after school snack. We loved it. My mom always made sure I got to softball practice, cheer practice, and youth group on time. There were several years that my mom "camped out" with me just to make sure I got a spot on the cheerleading squad. I've learned what it feels like to be a "taxi" service but she would have never called it that and she certainly didn't complain. I used to look forward to shopping with my mom on Saturdays. We'd go to Gwinnett Place Mall. She never bought herself anything. What she had, she spent on my sister and I. One specific memory I have is of the day that I got braces put on my teeth. My mouth hurt so bad and she did what every great mom would do...she took me shopping. I picked out an outfit in The Limited. I still remember that outfit. Saturday mornings were pretty routine. I remember my mom used to vacuum every Saturday morning before we ran errands. I recall sitting in the recliner, eating peanut butter off of a teaspoon, while she cleaned. During the week, she used to let me sit on top of the heating vent in the mornings while I got dressed for school. I  imagine that she would say getting me dressed for school in elementary school was absolutely no fun as I evidently complained about how my clothes "felt."  My mom is so gentle. I remember her being so cautious when she washed my hair, not to get shampoo in my eyes. She isn't a yeller and really only raised her voice when I deserved it. I'm sure I deserved it more than I got it! My mother has more patience than is fathomable. Thank God or I may have been living in the carport when I was a teenager!

I am thankful for having a mom who is now not only my mother but my best friend. Our relationship has changed and developed into something that I treasure to my core. I wasn't the easiest child (stubborn, strong-willed, had a smart-mouth) which definitely impacted our relationship when I was a teenager. I am so grateful that she has a forgiving heart and a love for me that is unconditional, especially on those days that I was probably really hard to "like."  I am thankful for the example she set for me. I look at my own children and hope that they think I am as awesome one day as I think my mom is!

My parents have been married 44 years. They are coming up on 45 years in June. What a blessing and an admirable example of marriage. My parents still live in Snellville where my mom works for The City of Snellville Police Department and my dad continues to operate Chisolm's TV. I relentlessly  try and convince them that Decatur is just the place for them to retire! After all, they'd be moving back to where it all started :).

In my opinion, my children have the best Nana and PawPaw EVER! They are such a blessing to my children. Just as loving, giving and committed as they were with me. They go above and beyond. There is nothing they wouldn't do for Connor and Sammie Sam.

I could go on and on about my parents and what they mean to me. I love both of them from the very core of my being and I value every SECOND that I get to spend with them. I thank God every day for their health and presence in my life. I pray for their continued safety and well-being. I pray that they feel as loved as they truly are!

"Just Can't Do It Today"

Today I should be on Day 3 of the blog challenge. It's just not gonna happen. I'm supposed to be writing about my parents but I just don't have the emotional energy to give them the time and effort they so deserve. Hopefully ttomorrow I can tackle trying to sum up my parents in a blog post...not sure that's even possible.

To say that I am emotionally drained is an understatement! I saw clients at the office this morning and checked facebook after I left only to read of the passing of "Superman." The tears began to flow immediately and my heart sank. I feel like my emotions have taken over. It may seem strange to some that I'd have such a strong reaction to the illness and death of someone I don't know. But after following his journey and seeing not only the amount of people who surrounded him but the type of people that surrounded him, I can't help but feel sad for so many that loved him. Not only that, it's just difficult to think about this amazing man being taken so early and leaving behind two adorable, young children and a wife that seems just as incredible as he was.

I pulled myself together andI went back to the office this evening to see more clients.  I get home and check email, only to find an email from a client's sister to let me know that my client was in a horrible accident December 18th. She's just been transferred from Grady ICU to Shepherd Spinal Center and is dealing with a traumatic brain injury. Once again, I am slapped in the face with the reality that all any of us have are moments, the ones that we are presently in and the next one isn't promised nor is it guaranteed to be what we expect!

I'll go to bed tonight in prayer for all those affected by the loss of "Superman" and for my client as she puts all her physical and mental energy into her own healing process.

Challenge Day 2: My First Love

I pondered whether or not I should write about my first love. It's not awkward for me but when I thought about it, I didn't want it to be awkward for Hagie. After much thought, I decided to go ahead and write about him. The way I look at it is we all have the experience of "a first love." Some people end up spending their life with their first love and some people, like me, end up learning from the relationship and moving on.

I don't think it's necessary to use his name here so I won't. I do want to share some history but more importantly, I want to share what I learned about myself and love. I am grateful for the experience just as it was. Nothing more, nothing less.

When I was fifteen, I got my first job at Baskin Robbins. The job itself actually wasn't that bad. I worked with mainly people my age or just a little older, the owners were cool and the real bonus was the two free scoops of ice cream I got after each shift I worked. It was at Baskin Robbins that I met him. He already worked there when I started. He was a year behind me in school and about five months younger in age. We didn't go to the same high school so I looked forward to seeing him at work. It didn't take long for our relationship to grow and before long we were spending most of our time together. We spent time alone, with my friends or his friends, or with one of our families. We spent a lot of time at Stone Mountain Park, Briscoe Park, Gwinnett Place Mall, and each other's houses. One of my favorite things to do at the time was cheer him on at his wrestling matches. He taught me how to drive a straight shift. We came from families with similiar belief systems and values. I think it's pretty fair to say that both sets of parents accepted the other into their family. There were plenty of occasions that I'd spend time with his mom while he was busy. It was neat.

When I was 18, our relationship ended after three years together when I was a freshman at The University of Georgia. He broke up with me. I'm not sure who my transition to college was harder for, me or him. He was a senior in high school.  Before I even left for college, I had become worried about his marijuana use. I didn't like it. I didn't understand it at the time. I recall nagging him quite a bit and didn't let up on him about his use. My perception is that the marijuana had a lot to do with our split. He would probably say it's because I started to act more like his mother and less like his girlfriend. Needless to say, I was devastated. I lost my appetite, cried a lot, called him a lot, thought I'd never love again and felt very lonely.

Now...fast forward about 17 years and I am married to the man that's meant for me! That being said, I did learn a good deal about myself and am able to recognize lessons/truths that came from my first love:
~I am a caretaker.
~I like to "date" as in go places, try new things, and enjoy dinner out.
~I learned that there are some "habits" that I just can't tolerate.
~I learned what it really feels like to miss someone.
~I am capable of loving unconditionally.
~I learned that heartbreak hurts like hell but I end up on my feet.
~I learned that time really does heal a broken heart.
~I learned how to have relationships with adults older than me, not my  family, that were healthy and independent of my relationship with him.
~I learned what it feels like to be emotionally connected to someone of the opposite sex.
~I value connection.
~I value quality time.

It's been a couple of years since I've seen my first love. I last saw him at his mother's funeral. Few words were spoken and that was okay. I wasn't there for him; I was there for me. He, too, graduated from The University of Georgia and is now married with a son. I'm happy for him and hope nothing but the best for him and his family.

Challenge Day 1: Allow Me To Introduce Myself

I was born Stacie Leigh Chisolm on June 12, 1976. I am the second daughter (the baby) of Mike and Tina Chisolm. I have an older sister, Kelli, who is my best friend. This hasn't always been the case.I'm pretty sure she only tolerated my existence growing up. Born and raised in Snellville, GA, I had the same group of friends throughout my childhood. I'm lucky enough to have a small group of them still in my life today. My parents still live in the home that I grew up in. Not many people can say that. I don't think they plan on going anywhere no matter how much I ask them to move to Decatur. My parents are still married and continue to be great role models for marriage and "good living." I cannot recall ever hearing them fight, I always saw my dad kiss my mom goodbye in the mornings and we ate dinner together EVERY night at the dinner table. Well, every night except for Sunday evenings after church. Those nights we ate fast food in the den. But we were together. My parents probably had no idea that I was watching and observing their relationship so closely.

I feel like I was raised in a "normal" middle-class family where Christian values, work ethic and family were important. Although I'm not so sure there is such thing as "normal," if there is, I'm pretty sure the Chisolm household fit right in. Yes, there have been times where I have strayed and had experiences that I wouldn't write home about. But it's the experiences and desire to form my own opinions, beliefs and values that have shaped the adult I am today. To be honest, I'm sure some of my past decisions, both good and bad, that my family came to accept, may have gotten me labeled as the "black sheep" of the family. I'm okay with that. My mom has always told me that I'm stubborn, hard-headed and strong-willed. I don't see these characteristics as a bad thing...in most situations. It's my stubbornness and strong-will that have moved me forward in life. I choose to live my life with no regrets and look at past experiences as learning opportunities. I've had plenty!~

Today, I'm Stacie Cook. I'm a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, Godmother,therapist, stepmother,cousin and granddaughter. I am a Georgia Bulldog!I love spending time with my family. I love my job. I love my community. I love my friends. I am sensitive. I am an extrovert. I am open-minded. I am a caretaker. I am curious not nosey. I enjoy both the finer things in life and the simplicity of living life within our means. I love the beach. There is nothing more soothing to me than the sounds of the waves crashing on the shoreline; even better with a glass of wine in hand. I love Disney World. At Disney World, I get to be a kid too. I love watching Connor enjoy Disney and I cannot wait to introduce Sammie Sam to the wonder of everything Disney! I like sappy chick-flicks. I like a good cry. I equally enjoy crime television and silently watch and daydream about being the one carrying the badge and gun. I happen to think I'd make an incredible undercover detective or crime scene investigator. I like to dance. I like to go to the movies. I like to try new restaurants.

When I'm not at home with my husband and babies or other family members, I can be found at work doing what I love, spending time with a girlfriend, or volunteering for the nonprofit for which I sit on the Board as the Clinical Program Chair. My life is full and it's a daily struggle to strike the right balance. I'm sure I don't always succeed but I always do my best!

*This entry was much harder than I expected. I feel certain that I've left something out or not mentioned something that is significant to my identity. That being said, I guess you'll have to keep reading!

Thirty Day Challenge

I found something different to do for the next thirty days. I think it'll be fun. It probably won't be too exciting to read but it should get me in the habit of writing more often. Blogging every day might not be feasible but a couple of times a week is certainly doable. My friend, Tasha, started this challenge last week and it's been fun to follow. Thanks Tasha for sharing your idea.

This is how the challenge works. Each day, I'll write about a different topic. Hopefully at the end of the 30 days, you will have learned something new about me and I'll be writing more regularly.

This list of topics was developed by someone else:
Day 01- Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment

Happy Reading :)

"Superman"

This entry isn't what I had in mind when I thought about my last blog post for the year. However, I'm dedicated to writing what is on my heart.

It is with sadness and a heavy heart that I sit here. I've mentioned before that I have been following the journey of a young father, my age, battling cancer while his beautiful wife stands by his side with their two young children. They call him "Superman." His wife updated their blog site this morning to report that David is "coming home." David is being released from Northside Hospital where he has been for several weeks undergoing strenuous treatment, away from his family who reside in Athens, GA. David is being sent home with hospice care.

I'm not really sure what to say. This I know; putting faith into practice is hard work sometimes, for me, anyway. Our human desire to understand the things that happen in our lives and those around us is even more puzzling when we can't make sense of certain circumstances. I sat down beside Hagie as I got out the laptop to blog and made the comment to him that I don't understand why bad things happen to good people. I think I've always struggled with this. I've heard sermon after sermon on this exact topic but it doesn't make it any easier to wrap my head around when I see tragedy in the life of good. Hagie looked at me and commented "God has a way of choosing." He's right. And I suppose no other explanation is needed. I just need to have faith that in all things, good and bad, God has a perfect plan and purpose.

As one of God's children, I am called to love with an open heart, show compassion and empathy and pray without ceasing. I have been reminded that I can do all of these things for people that I know and those who I've never met. I thank "Superman" for this lesson. I imagine David will never know the full extent to which he has touched and influenced so many people. I sit in tears for someone I do not know but this is what makes me real. This is what makes me human. My heart breaks because I know there is a family in Athens, GA that is about to face the most difficult part of their loved one's journey.

As the year 2011 comes to an end, I'll continue to pray for David Boyd A.K.A "Superman" and his family. I'll continue to believe that it's never to late for a miracle, that God is the ultimate comforter and HE is the master of all plans.
I'll toast to David's strength, courage and amazing faith.

David's journey: weloveteamboyd.blogspot.com

"A 2011 Recap"

As I sit her sipping on a little spiked eggnog and enjoying the lights of the Christmas tree, I am aware that another year is going and another one is around the bend. It seems that as I get older, the years go by faster and my desire to stop time becomes more and more present. Instead of a narrative, I'd like to make list of memories/experiences, lessons and thoughts that I associate with 2011. A narrative would just be way too long!

~Samantha Caelyn Cook entered the world on July 10. She came quick, fast and in hurry. She shares her daddy's birthday.
~I experienced natural childbirth. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything though I'm sure that was not my opinion at the time!
~My hubby got a local job in his field and got to "come off the road" in August. Praise God!
~My precious son Connor started Kindergarten in August. He has my heart!
~Life lesson reminder: Life is a journey and I'm not promised tomorrow.
~A friend was diagnosed with Stage 4 Liver Melanoma in December. My heart aches.
~Victor's mom died in August. There are no words to comfort the loss of a mother.
~I realized I really do enjoy cooking.
~Mr. Cook (my father in law) was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had surgery. He is now cancer free!
~I met a lady who has my "dream" job. An undercover vice cop/detective for the Atlanta Police Department. I could listen to her stories all day long!
~Connor lost his first tooth in December.
~Victor graduated from high school in May. So proud of him!!
~Hagie and I experienced the loss of his mentor, David Koontz, to cancer.
~I've learned there aren't many differences between store brand and name brand.
~No Disney trip in 2011 but will definitely make sure one is in the plan for 2012.
~My Goddaughter, Elza, turned ONE in October. I keep telling her that I have not given her permission to grow up!
~Life lesson reminder: I NEED the Lord, my family and my friends!
~I continue to LOVE my job and feel fortunate to have a job that I enjoy going to every week.
~I have a new level of empathy for those who suffer with diabetes after experiencing gestational diabetes during my pregnancy. I like my carbs!
~My love for the in-prison population continues to grow and I have found that the population of in-prisoned persons is one that I am passionate about.
~A friend, JG, had a healthy baby boy in November after enduring significant losses. Welcome to the world Baby Jacob!! God is good!
~My cousin Christopher and his wife, Sarah, welcomed Miss Ellis Anne on October 31. Another blessing. I'm excited for Sammie to have a "cousin" close in age!

I am certain that I have left out many things that belong on this list. As a memory pops up or an experience comes to mind, I'll come back to this post and add to my list. Until then, I encourage all my followers to reflect on your own memories, experiences and life lessons of 2011.

"Hello..Time...Where Did You Go?!?"

Sammie Sam will be five months old on December 10th. I feel like time is going by so fast. I don't like it. Every day I am very aware that she is my last baby by choice (unless God has other plans) and it makes me sad on occasion. After Sammie, there will be no more "firsts." No more first smiles, first laughs, first roll-overs or first sitting up. I have experienced my last pregnancy which feels bitter sweet. I'm not a great pregnant person but I sure miss my "baby bump." I miss her kicks, her hiccups and her somersaults. I should add that I don't miss the heartburn, nausea and gestational diabetes. Although I don't miss those things, they all seem so irrelevant when I look into the eyes of my precious baby girl. I continue to breastfeed Sammie Sam and enjoy that special bonding time that we have. I know that in just a few short months, she'll likely have no interest in nursing and will continue to grow and develop into a little girl. My mom keeps telling me to move Sammie to her crib from her co-sleeper before she realizes she doesn't want to be in her own room. I know she's right but it's hard. I just wish time would slow down a bit.

It's frightening how fast time escapes. I feel like just yesterday I delivered Sammie and here it is five months later. I find myself concentrating on the details of her birth because I don't want to forget. I look at her and I am amazed that Hagie and I created such an amazingly wonderful baby girl, with God's help of course. I look at Connor the same way. More and more I realize that parenting a child is a privilege. It's a privilege that should not be taken lightly. I have been entrusted to love, teach, parent and discipline these two precious little people so that they may grow up to be filled with faith in their heavenly father, know that hard work pays off and most importantly that they are worthy of all good things including unconditional love. That's a lot of pressure but I'm so filled with joy that God picked me for this job with Sammie Sam and Connor.I have to throw Vic in here too. No, I'm not his Momma but I love him just as much as my two and I take my role in his life seriously too!! If I could just freeze time for "my three" for just a little bit...

"More to Life"

The Thanksgiving holiday has come and gone and with that, "Black Friday" has also passed. In recent years, Hagie and I have geared up and joined the masses. Not so much for the retail sales but more for the fun of rushing around and officially starting the Christmas season. This year was different and it feels different. There was no discussion about what stores to go to first or what was on the Christmas list that we had to score before it was sold out. Rather this year, "Black Friday" and the rest of the Thanksgiving weekend was spent enjoying family and appreciating a few days of simplicity. College football, long days in our pj's, our favorite shows on the DVR and decorating our home as we prepare to celebrate Christmas. Simplicity is a foreign concept to so many of us, myself included, but I am learning to enjoy the simple things. And it's not so bad.

As I think about Thanksgiving and the upcoming Christmas holiday, I am actually looking forward to keeping things simple and easy and spending time with those I cherish so much. As he always does, the God I serve has reminded me, yet again, that he is in control and life is to be lived without the promise of tomorrow. Everyday should be Thanksgiving.

I've been following the story of a guy my age from Rockdale County that is in the fight of his life, battling cancer with a grim prognosis. I've never met this individual but was drawn to his story because of his unwavering faith and endurance to keep fighting despite what his doctors say. David is a father to two small children and has chosen to believe that his miracle will come. Along with following David's story, a friend was recently diagnosed with cancer of the rectum. She has just undergone surgery to remove the tumor along with her entire rectum to give her the best chance at survival and beating the rare cancer that attacked her body. She, too, is choosing to believe in her own future despite comments from her doctors. She has her life but will live each day with a colostomy bag. Not fun I'm sure but as she has said "it's better than being dead."

These two stories of cancer and the spirit and faith of these two individuals has really stopped me in my tracks. Why should I concern myself with "Black Friday" sales or whether or not Santa will fulfill Christmas wishes? It's not about any of that. This holiday season I want to be deliberate with my time and thoughts. I want to pay attention to all the gifts in my life and take the time to pray for those that are struggling and fighting for the opportunity to simply live.

It's amazing the lessons we can all learn if we sit back and take the time to watch the journey of others. We all have our own journey. We all have peaks and valleys along the way. It's how we decide to handle our peaks and valleys that really counts. More importantly, it's whether or not we choose to believe, that, even in the darkest, toughest valley there is hope and joy through gratitude, prayer and support.

I am thankful for David and my friend for allowing me to follow their journey. This holiday season I am reminded that very little in life matters beyond my relationship with my family and friends, my heavenly father and my children. This year I will raise my glass and toast to simplicity, health and the opportunity to live life with family and friends that I adore!

July 10, 2011: Baby Girl's Birthday

It's has been quite a while since I have blogged. It will take me several entries to catch up to the present.

Samantha Caelyn Cook entered the world on her daddy's birthday, July 10, 2011. If the way she entered this world says anything about her personality and will, I'm already proud of her and convinced that she will live up to her name.

The weekend of July 10, I started having contractions Friday night, the 8th. I wasn't in any pain, just a little uncomfortable and went about running errands and had dinner out with Hagie and Connor.

Saturday was much of the same scenario. Hagie, Connor and I did our usual Saturday stuff and eventually the contractions got a little closer and a little more uncomfortable. I made a call to the doctor on call, who happened to be my favorite in the practice, and he told me they weren't close enough (8 minutes a part) and to call back when they were five minutes a part. I didn't really like his answer but also knew that if the contractions weren't close enough together and if I had not progressed that I'd be sent home. So I read my book and went to bed.

Helllooo 3:30am! I woke up in severe pain, having to really concentrate during the contractions. I decided that it was a good idea to get in a hot bath and see if that helped with the pain and THEN call the doctor. I called the doctor about 4:45am and he said to "go ahead and come in, let us take a look." At this point, contractions were consistently coming every six minutes with very little time in between. Wowza!! I definitely should have called the doctor first. Lesson learned.

My sister arrived on the scene at 5:30am to keep Connor and off to DeKalb Medical we went. We arrived at the hospital at 5:45am. I didn't call my mom and dad yet because in my mind, I had plenty of time to call them once they admitted me. WRONG! Obviously the contractions were interfering with my decision making :). I hate it because I robbed my mom the experience of being in the room when Samantha was born.

It all went so quickly. I remember being balled over in the waiting area while they processed my paperwork. I sent Hagie to the reception window to tell them I couldn't sit there anymore and to please call me back. I WANTED DRUGS! After what seemed like hours, they finally came and put me in a triage room. In tears, barely able to talk, and begging for medication, the nurse wouldn't give me anything until they "checked" me and did blood work. I was about 7cm dilated when she checked me and thought I had plenty of time for an epidural. WRONG AGAIN!

The rest is a real blur but I do remember pushing in the triage room even when I was told not to which caused my water break. Sounded like a water balloon busted!! I recall begging the nurse for any drug she could give me. I specifically remember telling her she could put crack cocaine in my bag, I didn't care, just give me something!! I overheard them page my doctor for the second time as they rushed me to a labor and delivery room all while telling me not to push. I recall having to slide from one bed to the next, I recall practically climbing over the bed rail to try and control the pain and I absolutely did a lot of screaming and crying. During all of this, the nurses told somebody to get an OB in the room, that they didn't care if it was my doctor or not, but to get a doctor.

My doctor got to the room just in time. I screamed at him that I was going to push. Quite frankly, I didn't care at this point if they were ready or not, I was ready and apparently so was Samantha Caelyn. Two pushes later and a lot of screaming and our precious, healthy baby girl was here. ALL WITH NO DRUGS! Holy Cow! Time of birth 7:05am...less than two hours after leaving my house. Close call!!

Words cannot express the experience. It was surreal. It was painful. It was worth every tear I cried and every word I screamed! Did I choose a natural childbirth? Ummm, that would be a negative. Did I survive a natural childbirth? Absolutely and I feel stronger in so many ways because of it! I was also reminded that even in the most difficult and painful of times, I am not alone. One of my besties, Amy, came to see me that day at the hospital. She commented that I did not seem myself and seemed a bit out of it. After talking to her, I was able to recognize that what I had just gone through was absolutely an amazing experience, one that did not go as I had planned but one that I will never forget. The experience of natural childbirth left me in a daze as I ran over all the details in my mind.I hope I never forget!

Samantha Caelyn Cook entered this world determined and strong. I pray she keeps these attributes. Samantha Caelyn Cook weighed in at 6 pounds 6 ounces, 18.25 inches long and unaffected by the gestational diabetes. Thank God. She is truly a gift from God and I cannot get enough of her. I can't wait to share more about her in upcoming posts.

Meaning: "Told by God," "Listener"

Baby Girl Cook's due date is approaching faster than ever. We are at ten weeks and counting...the nursery isn't done and her clothes haven't been washed but she HAS a name.

Samantha Caelyn Cook: To be called "Sam" or "Sammie," whichever sticks. The story behind her first name isn't near as sentimental as that of her middle name. But nonetheless, it has a story too. Not to mention, she will have the same initials as mommy!

I'm a child of the 80s. And that means I grew up on great sitcoms, sitcoms that put to shame what is offered on current television. One of my favorites has always been "Who's the Boss." Those that grew up on 80s sitcoms, probably remember "Sam," played by Alyssa Milano. The daughter of Tony Danza on the show. I remember being drawn to Sam's character. The beautiful tomboy who had an admirable relationship with her father and was well-rounded in life. Even more so, I loved her name. I've always loved female names that when shortened are what most would consider "boy" names. Whoever was going to be sent my way to marry would HAVE to like the name...

Fast forward 20 or so years (yep, feeling old) and enter Hagie Cook into the picture. Like most couples, in the beginning Hagie and I had the "what if" discussions that included marriage and kids (how many, names we liked, gender we preferred, etc). To put a year to the story, it's fair to say that Hagie and I have had Baby Girl Cook's name picked out since about 2002-2003. It is a name we both agreed on from the beginning and one that we both liked shortened to "Sam." Now, to be fair to Hagie, I should probably say that him liking Samantha has nothing to do with "Who's the Boss," but it is a name that he loves.

Once Hagie and I were married and began discussing when to begin a family, "Sam" was the only option for a little girl. We didn't need to have a discussion. When God blessed us with Connor, we were thrilled and the name "Samantha" was put on a shelf in case we were to be blessed with a little girl in the future.

Interestingly, when I was about 12 weeks pregnant with Samantha, the ultrasound tech guessed boy but told me it was only a guess and that at 12 weeks gestation it's difficult to observe differences. I went home and called Hagie who happily accepted the idea of another son but didn't give up on the idea of adding a Samantha to our family. At my 18 week ultrasound, the ultrasound tech stated "y'all do want to know the sex right?" Well, in my head I was thinking I already knew but she could confirm. When she began typing a "g" on the ultrasound screen, I thought I would fall off the table, meanwhile, Hagie sat in his chair grinning from ear to ear. God had given us our Samantha. We both looked at her on the screen and knew she already had a name:). No debate needed.

If you combine the meaning of Samantha's first and middle names it means "listener loved forever." Samantha was loved before she was ever conceived and we cannot wait to meet her.

Samantha Caelyn Cook we await your arrival! "Sam" or "Sammie" to be determined.

"Pouty Sundays"

Well, Sunday evening has come again. I dread Sunday afternoons because lately what this means is that Hagie has to hit the road. We always have such a lovely Sunday morning grabbing our weekly Starbucks, attending church and eating at a new restaurant for lunch...courtesy of Scoutmob. We are expanding our lists of favorites!

You can feel the energy level at the Cook's shifts a bit come about 5pm. Hagie is usually packing his suitcase after taking a power nap; gearing up for his weekly drive to Jacksonville or wherever he is needed. Although Connor and I, sadly, have become used to "daddy" traveling it never gets easier watching him pull away for the week. We miss him. Our time with him consists of late Friday evenings to Sundays at 6pm. Hag doesn't like it anymore than we do. But Hagie, being the person/husband/daddy that he is,sacrifices so that his family is provided for.

I often wonder what it must be like for him week in and week out to be in a hotel room, away from his family. At least here at home, I have Connor and family and friends to call on when I need to be entertained or just need some emotional support. Hagie has paperwork, browsing the Internet and television to keep him company. Not quite the same.

September will be three years since Hagie has had this job which requires that he be gone each week Monday through Friday. He hangs on, we hang on and we cherish the moments we do get to spend together. Even when our weekends are spent running errands and taking care of things around the house its okay because we do them together.

I pray diligently that the right opportunity for Hagie will come sooner than later. The building industry is difficult right now, even when you have twenty something years experience. There's a lesson here somewhere and I'm keeping my eyes open so I am sure to learn it the first time. Maybe the lesson is patience, maybe it's making our marriage stronger, maybe it's truly understanding that things don't happen on our time clock but when God sees fit, or maybe this job is lining up Hagie for an amazing opportunity in which he can be home with us more. Time will tell.

While I patiently wait, late Sunday afternoons will be dreaded and Connor and I (soon along with Baby Girl) will "do what we do" each week. But we'll continue to miss Hagie and pray for his safety and well-being until he comes home on Friday.

We love you Hag and miss you when you're gone.

"It's All in Her Name"

Hagie and I are thrilled that in about 11 weeks our little girl will make her debut. We are so eager to meet her, see what she looks like and incorporate her right into our madness.

We have spend a lot of time pondering the perfect name. We have had her first name picked out since, oh, about 2004. The middle name has been the challenge. As Hagie and I dated and talked about marriage and kids, it became even more evident to me that I wanted to give all of my children middle names, after someone who is special, irreplaceable and someone that my children could be proud to be named after.

For baby girl Cook, I am so excited to give her a middle name that is as beautiful as the person she will be named after. Baby girl's middle name is Caelyn. Caelyn is my first cousin.

It's difficult to even know where to begin in my story about why Caelyn is so special to me, Hagie and Connor. Caelyn and I's story begins when she was just a wee little tot and I had the pleasure of babysitting her and eventually spending several days at a time with her when her parents were out of town. She was such a beautiful little girl; full of joy and excitment to play and try new things, easy-going, and just plain loveable. She hasn't changed. I remember Caelyn and I getting stuck at her house when the big snow/ice storm of the early 90s hit the Atlanta area. It was just me and Caelyn and a house full of movies, toys, and food. She loved the television show "Saved By the Bell" and had every Disney movie ever recorded. That kept us busy. I kept a fire in the fireplace for us and we sat on a cozy couch right in front of it. That seems like ages ago.

I continued to babysit Caelyn regularly and even as she got older, I'd spent the night with her to keep her company if her parents were going to be out of town. As Caelyn got older, our outings consisted of a meal at a good restaurant, mall trips, and visits to see our Memaw. Memaw would be so proud of Caelyn. It seems like time flew and before I knew it, Caelyn was in high school, playing sports and making plans for college. I still cannot look at Caelyn and not see an image of that little girl that used to let me help her get dressed (always best dressed) and put her hair in a ponytail. She didn't always like her hair being brushed and pulled up, but we managed.

I'll never forget the day Caelyn, my aunt, and my other cousin came to visit me and Connor a couple of days after Connor was born. It was March of 2006. Upon them leaving, my aunt told me that Caelyn had been having some severe back pain that wouldn't let up and that after tests, the doctors had found a cyst type mass and she had been scheduled for back surgery. Not "my little Caelyn," was my first thought. Long story short, after the doctor's removed the mass, Caelyn was diagnosed with Ewing Sarcoma cancer. At the young age of 17 and on March 17, 2006. A rare form of cancer that only 150-200 people are diagnosed with every year. What lied ahead of Caelyn would test my own faith and the faith of all those who love her. Caelyn endured both chemotherapy and radiation, lost her hair, pushed through the horrific side effects of chemotherapy and still managed to graduate from the Marist School on time. If you know Caelyn, you'd know to expect nothing less! Caelyn's senior year at Marist she was nominated and won Homecoming Queen, bald head and all! Caelyn is an amazing person in so many ways but how she dealt with losing her hair at age 17 is worth writing about. Caelyn and her mom had gone to the best wig shop in town, bought a wig made of real hair and one that would resemble her real hair as close as possible. What I love is that Caelyn decided she didn't want to be bothered with the wig and she shaved what was left of her hair and sported the bald look. She pulled it off beautifully!

Caelyn will reach her five year cancer free anniversary, post chemo, on January 8, 2012. Thank you God for doing what you say you do and healing Caelyn's body!On behalf of Hagie and me, there's another reason why Caelyn is so special to us. When I first started dating Hagie, I didn't tell my family. I feared their reaction and judgement. However, I did tell Caelyn about Hagie. Looking back, this wasn't fair of me to do to Caelyn (be the only family member to know besides my sister)but I had to tell her...she was my sidekick. Caelyn's initial reaction was different than other family members. She passed no judgement and accepted Hagie from the first time she met him. Their first meeting...a meal at Loco's in Buckhead, where he met us for dinner. Caelyn you will never know how much your support and love has meant to us over the years.
I can't write this post without writing about Connor and Caelyn's relationship. Caelyn, despite being busy at UGA, has always made time to get to know Connor and build a special relationship with him. In all honesty, Connor melts when Caelyn is around. His initial name for her was "Cay Cay." As he has gotten older he refers to her as Caelyn. He's even requested that "baby sister's first name should be Caelyn because I love her." Simply precious. Caelyn has found her place in Connor's heart and it's always such a joy to watch the two of them together.


So, why is Caelyn so special to us? She lives her life and stands for all that we want our own little girl to believe in and demonstrate in her own life. Caelyn's faith, even when dealing with cancer, is strong and unwavering. She takes life in stride and recognizes that there is someone greater than herself at work. She's as beautiful on the inside as she is the outside. Caelyn's love and dedication for her family takes precedence over all things. She maintains her priorities and lives her life nonjudgemental of others. Caelyn is a girl's girl when the situation calls for it and she can hang with the guys like the best of them. Sincere, beautiful, athletic, fun, easy-going, and lives life to the fullest.

Caelyn, as you read this, know that it is with purpose and love that Baby Girl Cook will have your name. We love you and are so excited that Baby Cook will have you in her life. You are a blessing to us all and we thank God for you every day.

"Vito"

In school, US and World history were never something I was interested in knowing more about. That's not to say that I don't love my country or that I don't respect those that have fought in the past or those currently fighting. It's just that the details of war, who did what and when, never really kept my attention.

About three weeks ago, Andy Stanley preached a sermon on forgiveness. He recommended that we read "Unbroken," by Laura Hillenbrand (A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption). The WWII vet that the book is written about actually made a visit to Buckhead church. It was an honor. The book was described to us as an account of his experience in war (Army Air Forces), being a POW who was horrifically abused and tortured. It's his account of how he came to forgive the very men that hurt him. Now, those of you who know me well, will immediately recognize that it's not the story of war that caught my interest rather this man's experience of abuse. Once a social worker, always a social worker.

This week I dove into the book, eager to read of his experience and learn a thing or two about forgiveness in the meantime. This book is beyond anything I could have imagined and it's a page turner for sure. I have to force myself to put it down. My definition of a good book! What is shocking is that I've enjoyed reading the first-hand account of war, especially since this hero (Louis Zamperini) was heavily involved in the happenings surrounding Pearl Harbor. The book details some staggering facts that completely blew my mind. I want to share:
~In less than 2 hours over Pearl Harbor, Japan badly wounded the American Navy and killed more than 2400 people.
~In the AAF, there were 52,651 stateside aircraft accidents over the course of war, killing 14,903 personnel (Zamperini referred to the plane he began flying in as "The Flying Coffin").
~In WWII, 35,933 AAF planes were lost in combat and accidents.
~35,946 personnel died in nonbattle situations, the vast majority of them in accidental crashes.
~A report issued by the AAF surgeon general reported that between November 1, 1943 and May 25, 1945, 70% of men listed as killed in action died in operational aircraft accidents, not as a result of enemy action. The problem, in most cases, were the planes.
~WWII has been referred to "a war without funerals."

I'm not just rambling about this book for nothing. The bottom line is that this book has left me thinking about my deceased grandfather,Vito Rappa, who was a WWII Navy vet. This book continues to make me think about my grandfather and what he must have endured during war, on a ship at sea with bombers flying all around and an ocean filled with swarming sharks. Vito was an Italian charmer. He was handsome, proud of the US Navy, and loved his family. Vito had his issues too though. I am convinced that my grandfather suffered with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) every day of his life after returning from war. Like many PTSD sufferers and war vets, Vito came to rely on alcohol, likely his way of self-medicating the memories and anxiety that he was left with after his experiences in war.

Vito never talked a lot about war. In fact, I only have one memory of what he told me about his experience. He told me the hardest part of being in the Navy during the war was that one of his "duties" was to discard the bodies of his deceased mates. He explained that this consisted of throwing the dead bodies overboard into the shark infested Pacific Ocean. The bodies of men that had come to be his compadres and his buddies. I cannot even imagine what that must have been like for him. That's not something you ever forget and he didn't.

In reading "Unbroken," I have come to regret not sitting down with Vito and listening to his stories. What a brave man he was and his experiences shaped the person he was. I should have taken the time to listen, to understand what life was like on that Navy ship, and I didn't. Vito died several years ago and buried with him are his memories of World War II. Memories and experiences that cannot be dug up - perhaps that's the way he wanted it.

Thinking of you Granddad.....

Oh So Delicate

I don't remember worrying about something going wrong during my pregnancy with Connor. Maybe it's because at that time not everyone around me was trying to conceive or already pregnant. Over the past few years, I've been reminded that the beginning of human life is extremely delicate and sometimes God has a plan we don't necessarily understand.

In 2006, I was oblivious to how common miscarriages are, how difficult it is for some couples to conceive and just how precious every week of pregnancy is. I had the experience in 2009-2010 of witnessing one of my best friends go through the emotional toll of trying to conceive. Standing by her side, emotionally, what strength and courage she showed on her long journey that led to fertility treatments. I saw first hand the worry about whether or not she and her husband were even capable of creating and then the anxiety, hope and upset associated with fertility treatments. I couldn't relate but her pain was my pain and her experience was one of two happenings "around" me that reminded me just how little control we have when it comes to conception. I was also humbly reminded of just how fortunate I am to have had an easy time conceiving. I am thankful for being witness to her experience.

A second event occured to someone who is an acquaintance but the experience affected someone dear and close to my heart. This acquaintance miscarried at about 22 weeks gestation. How devastating for her and her family. Yet again, something before hearing of her experience, had not been something within my scope. For the majority of people walking around, it isn't even a thought that there are women every day dealing with the loss of a child either in the womb or shortly after delivery. For me, it's on my radar and has altered my own thinking regarding pregnancy and loss.

Because of the experiences of people around me, throughout my current pregnancy, I continue to be very aware that being able to conceive and carry a child is indeed a blessing and one not to be taken lightly. After each appointment to check on Baby Girl Cook, I breathe a sigh of relief and thank God for a healthy baby and a pregnancy that is being protected by someone far greater than me. None of us are meant to understand the why and why nots of life but we can learn from our own experiences and the experiences of others. It's the experiences like I have mentioned that force us to look beyond ourselves and attempt to accept that in all actuality, at the end of the day we have very little control over most things in our lives. That's a difficult one. I guess that's why I spend a lot of time with my clients teaching them the importance of using their energy to work on the things they can control and accept those things in life that are simply out of their realm of power.

So, in moving forward, with each kick I feel and heartbeat I hear, I am full of gratitude. Grateful for a process that is completely out of my control and one that cannot be explained.

*Pic taken from internet.