Early Morning Thoughts...3am

I'm starting this post about 3am on Friday, now whether or not I finish it before trying to go back to bed is another story.

So my last blog was about Connor's desire for a sibling and the beginning of my thoughts on having a second child. Life is hectic for the Cook's right now. Not to repeat but Hagie travels a lot, I am working full-time because I choose too, and I've discovered that parenting a preschooler is challenging, at best on good days.

Now..life has thrown a curve ball...one I welcome but a curve ball that comes with a different kind of stress. Victor, my stepson, is in a position where he NEEDS to live with us and has voiced that he would like to come live with us (we've been down this road before but it didn't work out how we had hoped). WOW...I love it! My other reaction is whoa....that means my life will change drastically. As I told Hagie today, I will willingly change my schedule and adjust my life so that Victor can have better. After all, isn't' that what moms do..even though I am not his biological mother, I sure feel like his mom in many ways and think of him as my own. Why will my life change? Well, Hagie will continue to travel which places me in the role of primary caretaker not only to an active preschooler but to a teenager who has a whole new set of needs. This does not scare me and care taking is what I love. HOWEVER, I love my job too. This is where all the internal conflict about having a second child comes into play along with the fact that I'd be single parenting it the majority of the week. Hagie...I'm not picking at you...just being real.

Here are my worries about all of this but I have made a decision to pray about it all and I know that it will all work out...God's way not always Stacie's way (boy that's a hard one for me sometimes)!
1. We DEFINITELY need a bigger house. I think we out grew it the day we moved in over five years ago.
2. To have Vic and a second child will definitely mean a reduction in my private practice...this is a big decision for me and one that I struggle with A LOT.
3. Currently, there is no real end in sight to a reduction in Hagie's travel schedule. Hagie I love you and KNOW that you work hard and do what you do to support us and make sure we are comfortable....I appreciate you for that!

So, as jumbled as that all my sound at 3 something in the morning, those are my thoughts. I'll keep writing about this ongoing topic; it definitely helps!