My First Experience with a Forgotten Population

A write up from an experience I had about a month ago. I encourage all my followers to check out Satellite180.org for more information.

When Mr. Greg Rose, Executive Director, of Satellite Re-entry Inc offered me an invitation to join the Board of Directors, I was thrilled. It was an easy decision to make. Satellite Re-entry serves and supports a population that I have been passionate about for years. I knew by joining this non-profit, that I could use my skills and knowledge to help a group of young men that are desperate for genuine advocates. Little did I consider just how much these same young men would bless and enhance my own life.

After accepting the Board of Directors invitation to join the Board, I was elected to hold the role as Program Committee Chair. My role on the Board has given me an opportunity to meet the young men we support in Burrus Prison as well as meet their H.E.A.D.S. UP teacher and mentor, who happens to be a prisoner himself. H.E.A.D.S. UP is a program supported by the efforts of Satellite Re-entry Inc. and offers the SB440 inmates a chance at learning new life skills and new ways of understanding themselves and others while serving out their sentences. My first trip to Burrus Prison was one of specific purpose. I was to meet with the teacher/mentor that is delivering the H.E.A.D.S UP curriculum on the inside and offer clinical feedback regarding its content and whether or not the curriculum is age appropriate given the experiences of these young men. That being said, I began the process of providing feedback but the day consisted of so much more. It provided me with an experience that will not soon be forgotten.

During my visit, I had the opportunity to sit in on the H.E.A.D.S. UP class and meet the young men that Satellite Re-entry Inc is currently supporting. Walking into the classroom, I didn’t know what to expect nor did I know how my presence in the class would be received. I stood in front of the classroom as a group of about 20 SB440 prisoners walked in, anticipating their Friday afternoon class. I had already been warned that the group would need to see that I was genuine and that I could relate to them in some way. I am certain that this group of 18 African American young men, one Hispanic and one Caucasian had their doubts as to how I could relate or why I would even care about their existence. After all, for most of them, they are the “forgotten” population as they grow up in adult prison, most of them between the ages of 15-18. The group of young men were polite, shaking my hand and allowing me to introduce myself to them casually as they took their seats. Their teacher/mentor gave me an opportunity to answer any questions the group had for me and encouraged me to share with the group my background and why I was there to meet them. I was not surprised when the group didn’t have any questions for me. Having worked in similar populations in the past, I knew that they were waiting on me to “explain” myself and “sell” myself to them in such a way that they could slowly let down their guards and feel safe that I was in their space. After giving the group my unrehearsed version of my professional background and allowing them to see a glimpse of who I am, I felt as if I had been accepted. It is now my mission to ensure that they feel accepted too.
I interacted in the classroom only as cued by the teacher. For me, it was more about looking at each individual and looking into their eyes; where their souls lie and their stories remain untold. As I sat and allowed my eyes to circle the room, the emotions that tugged at my heart where often overwhelming. Deep breathes got me through it as well as the hope that I can help rally more people to listen to their stories and advocate for this group that has no voice. Their pain is evident if you take the time to look and listen. These are adolescents being raised in an adult prison where the majority of the staff ignore their emotional pain and seem to have forgotten that they are adolescents, not adults. They are filled with fear and uncertainty as many of them still have many years to serve in their mandatory sentences. However, despite their pain and fear, my heart sang as the H.E.A.D.S. UP program offers these young men hope for a brighter future despite their past. The excitement and eagerness to create a future that is vastly different from their past could be heard and seen in the classroom. They are passionate about the program they have chosen to be a part of and cling to every word of hope. This is likely what gets many of them through the dark and lonely nights behind bars with others who don’t have their best interest at hand.

Not many of us can even come close to imagining what these adolescents go through on a daily basis. Many of them don’t have consistent family support, they don’t receive encouraging mail, they feel misunderstood and labeled and most of all, they feel forgotten. It is my hope that through my active participation with Satellite Re-entry Inc., I can be a voice for the “forgotten” and find new ways for them to feel accepted and important to those of us who are taking steps towards providing them with opportunities to make their future different from their past.

The Blur that was November and December

Well,I'm back after not blogging for some time. Not because I didn't want to but because life took over and I found myself with little time or energy to write.

The first weekend of November we moved into a bigger house in Decatur near the Oakhurst Village. We were in desperate need of more space and I needed piece of mind that Connor would be attending a good school system. I cannot say enough positive things about how supportive my husband was of my constant nagging and push to get us out of our small home and into one that we could grow into. He listened, understood and began to recognize just how important it was for us to have more room.

We moved in one weekend and Connor and I went out of town the next. Hagie went back out of town for work and we left with boxes and boxes to unpack. We've just now gotten settled. That brings us to just about mid November.

After months of praying and seeking guidance about if and when we should expand our family, God answered our prayers in only a way that he could: a positive pregnancy test! I'm still not sure the reality has set in. I'd be lying to say I don't have anxiety and fear associated with a second child but at the same time I am trusting that this is what God has in store for us. It's part of our big picture.

I worry about being a mommy to a newborn with Hagie out of town each week. I worry about being able to give enough time and attention to Connor as he continues to grow into his own little personality that is ever so precious! I worry about finances. I worry about how to deal with being in private practice and how to ensure that my clients needs are met while I'm taking care of my own and my family's. My solution to the worries is I try and practice mindfulness each day. Living for today, trusting that God is going to provide a way for the rest. He always does.

November and December have come and gone and I feel like I was barely "in the game" for it. My first trimester has been a doozy (more on this later) and I feel like I have literally let two months pass me by. But to be honest, I'm not sure I could have done anything differently. I got through Christmas, doing all of our "normal" activities because Connor was so excited this year. I wish I could have mustered up more Christmas spirit.

That's the quick catch up on the last two months...I look forward to writing about the next leg of the journey!

"Pixie Dust"

Okay, let me first say that I do not like Tinkerbell, she rubs me the wrong way. But I do believe in her pixie dust because Walt Disney World truly is magical. Those that know me are aware that over the past three years I have become quite a Disney fanatic. And so has Connor. I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunities to take Connor to Disney as much as he has gone. Connor's probably been to Disney more than most people go in a lifetime. But we love it.

I have to be honest. At first, when I met my friend Elantrice, and knew she was absolutely crazy over Disney, I thought it was a little weird. I thought "why would a grown woman want to spend so much time at Disney?" When Connor was 18 months old she convinced me to give it a try (I had gone has a child) and see if I "experience the magic." Reluctantly, I agreed. I wasn't convinced that taking an eighteen month-old to Disney was the smartest idea but we went. I remember my mom and Hagie expressing concern about why I would even think about doing such a thing. Well, we all know how stubborn and strong-willed I can be, so Connor and I packed up and headed to Disney for the annual Food and Wine Festival. I'm so glad we went. Connor loved it and was well behaved. He, too, experienced the magic!

Since being introduced to the Disney magic, Connor and I go at least once a year, sometimes up to three times a year. We bought annual passes (just made sense financially...they paid for themselves with one trip) and try to go every chance we get. Hagie has gone with us twice....we love for Daddy to go but sometimes Daddy's work schedule gets in the way. I am fortunate that Hagie sees how much Connor and I enjoy it and it doesn't give me TOO hard of a time.

We just got back from our third trip this year. This trip we went with Auntie Elantrice and her parents. The best part...we rolled out in the larger than life RV and stayed at Fort Wilderness on Disney property. What a beautiful place. I was a little worried about space in the RV but space was not an issue and Connor now thinks RV's are the best thing since sliced pizza. LOL.

There are several things/places that are just "must do's" for us each time we go. They are:
Earl of Sandwich for the best Tuna Melt ever made
Downtown Disney to shop and scope out the "must haves"
Rainforest Cafe or T-Rex restaurant for Connor
A ride on Dumbo
Goofy's Barnstormer roller coaster
Splash Mountain
Thunder Mountain Railroad
Peter Pan
Test TrackThis is the short list!

Each year we plan one trip around the annual Food and Wine Festival at Epcot. What a nice treat! Pretty much..you eat and drink yourself "around the world." Each year the menu for the different countries changes a tad and they keep some items the same. It's a nice leisurely stroll around the countries, picking and choosing what to eat and drink. Over the past three years, I have found that I do have some favorites and they are must haves:
the lamb slider
cheddar cheese soup from Canada
Cosmo slushie from France
Grey Goose slushie from France
Anything at the Italian booth

To make the Food and Wine Festival fun for Connor, we always get "fast passes" for Test Track so we can ride more than once. Connor loves it. His auntie has taught him to "hold onto the yellow strap." Connor's favorite Disney saying..."big boys hold on." In addition to Test Track, we take a ride on the Finding Nemo adventure, the Viking boat ride in the country of Norway and once or twice we've gotten on Soaring. Not my favorite!

After a day at Epcot, the next day was spent getting up at 3:45am to get in line for a Benefit Sale (Elantrice's idea...okay so I agreed) at Downtown Disney in which the proceeds of the tickets went to United Way. Anything for a cause, right!?! The Benefit sale was pure madness but Connor was a trooper, as always at Disney, and then we all headed back to the RV for a much needed nap. I"m pretty sure Connor played with his Silly Bandz while we napped.

For me, all the magic is in Magic Kingdom. Not only do I love the rides and atomsphere there, but the pure happiness on Connor's face when he sees the castle is priceless. Because Connor is quite the experienced Disney goer, he is always quick to tell me and his Auntie exactly what rides he wants to ride and in what order. At which time, its time to pick up the pace and head for fast passes! Yes, we have a system. I have to give credit to Elantrice for the system. But I must say, even when my family went without her in June, I was able to implement the system perfectly:).

Connor has learned from Auntie how to put his hands up on certain rides. He feels so proud after he does this. My boy has no fear. Definitely doesn't get that from his momma!

Sure,Disney can be expensive but for me the fact that I can provide my son with opportunities to go and experience the Magic at such a young age is something I am extremely grateful for. I must add though, we do Disney fairly cheaply and we have figured out ways to minimize cost, thanks to Elantrice!

For this trip:
Cost to stay in the RV: $67 in gas and a bottle of Crown Royal for Mr. Hughley
Park passes: $280 (yep we get auntie's discount)
Food: $100
Happiness and joy for Connor: Priceless!

*will add pics when can

Awaiting the next "magical" trip....

"A New Role: Godmother"

Two weeks ago, Hagie and I went to dinner with our dear friends, Amy and Ray. I met Amy in graduate school in 2000 and we've been friends ever since. I treasure our friendship and have enjoyed the journey of our friendship growing into something so special that words don't do it justice. The purpose of dinner: Amy wanted to eat the eggplant parmesan at a well known restaurant in hopes of getting her labor started. It was a down day for me. Although I always enjoy a night out with my husband and friends, I was upset and anxious this particular day about Victor. So anxious I couldn't even eat my fettuccine alfredo...now that's saying something.

Amy is good at reading me. She feels when I'm anxious, she senses when I'm sad, she shares in my joys and she listens when I need an ear. She must have known I needed a "pick me up" because it was this night she asked me to officially be Elza's Godmother. Tears started flowing and a hug was in order.

What a privilege! I've always loved the idea of "Godparents." What a special gift Amy and Ray have given me. I pledge to take on my new role with honor and complete joy. I get to spoil her, talk to her about "girl" stuff as she gets older, take her shopping, be a role model, and be there to support Amy and Ray along their parenting journey. I am sure my role as Godmother will come with much more but I'll learn as I go. I will love her as my own. I already do!

Amy had Baby Elza on October 28, 2010. I anxiously awaited word that both mommy and baby were doing well. I'm pretty sure I checked my phone every hour looking for an email or text that Elza had made her debut. I'm so happy for my dear friends and look forward to being a part of their journey ahead. I was Miss Elza's first visitor this morning. Pure sweetness. A gift from God. My heart melted when I laid my eyes on her and thought about the incredible life she has entered into being the daughter of Amy and Ray. I introduced myself to her, held her and gave her kisses. I look forward to sharing the story when she is old enough.

Here's a couple of photos of my Goddaughter. Elza your Godmother loves you!

"Roles Reversed"

I feel pretty fortunate to have grown up with all four grandparents in my life up until my early adult years. They have all been special and unique in their own way and all have enriched my life in some way. At age 34, I have one grandmother left. My mom's mom. This grandmother has always been the vibrant one. Never worrying about her health, living on the beach, taking trips to Mississippi to go gambling, and maintaining her real estate property.

Just recently my grandmother has started to show signs of her age. It's sad to think of her as not feeling well, not remembering and not being able to do all those things she used to love. I am reminded that as a kid I never thought my grandparents or my parents would "age." My grandmother has been living between my parent's house and my uncle's house for the past month or so and they've had the unfortunate experience of watching her not be able to take care of herself. She is now the child and they are the parents.

My grandmother will be moving into an assisted living facility, likely this weekend, and this likely will not go over well. I have watched my mom agonize over what to do, how to handle my grandmother's living situation while trying to keep her happy and at the same time keep her own sanity. My mom is hesitant. I get it. She doesn't want to upset or anger her own mom. But as I told my mom earlier, my grandmother has reached a point in her own life where she is incapable of making good decisions for herself. I guess being elderly and losing our independence is likely something we will all go through if the Lord keeps us on earth long enough.

My heart aches for my mother. What a tough decision! I keep reminding my mom that the decisions she makes regarding Grandmother are based out of love and a duty to keep her safe. I'm not sure this makes it any easier for my mom but I think it helps keep things in perspective.

Praying for my mom and grandmother. My grandmother has reached a different stage in her life and so has my mom...although still a daughter, my mom has now taken over the role of parent.

Praying for a smooth transition.

"Our First Humble Abode"

Hagie and I have lived in our home almost seven years! I cannot believe its been that long. We were so excited as a young couple buying our first house and eager to start making the house our home. We thought the house was "so much bigger" than both of our apartments at the time. I am sure it is but it's just not room enough. We both joke that we out grew our home the day we moved in. We have emjoyed our humble abode, putting love and cosmetic updates into it, making it ours. It's hard to imagine living somewhere else. I imagine it will feel strange. On the flip side, it's exciting to get to move into a bigger home, decorate all over again and enjoy the perks of living in the Oakhurst District of Decatur.

We are preparing for a transition. We'll be moving into a bigger house than what we have and the thought of the space we'll have makes me want to jump up and down. Literally! Time to plan a social gathering :)

Over the past couple weeks, Hagie and I have been cleaning up, throwing out, filling bags to donate and putting things in boxes. As if Hagie and I don't have enough "stuff" of our own, add a kiddo to that mix and you've got double. Connor is having a good time helping pack his room, ensuring that I do not decide to give away something that he finds valuable. Proud of my little buddy for wanting to help. He's excited about "the new house." I think he'll be even more excited when he realizes he will have a playroom that he can spread out in and make his own....well, I'll help with the decor of course.

"You Can Do Anything"

I love sharing about special moments and conversations I have with Connor. It's these special moments, when no one else is around to hear our conversations that I treasure the most. They are intimate.

As Connor continues to grow and grow, he amazes me with his communication skills, his ability to carry on a conversation like you are talking to someone much older than four and he amuses me with using his vocabulary in the right context the majority of the time.

This morning, getting into the car to go to school, this was our conversation:

Connor: "Mommy, did you know I can get in on this side of the car and climb over to my seat while holding my book bag?"

Me: "Yes I did...you want to know why...because Mommy thinks you can do anything you want to do."

Connor: As he turns to look at me and cuts me a smile..."Mommy I think you can do anything too."

Insert melting heart here!

What a great way to start a Friday. I am the parent to this precious little boy who thinks his Mommy can do anything. I love that my kiddo has such faith in me...little does he know that sometimes Mommy doubts herself.

Thanks Connor for reminding Mommy everyday that my most important job is being a Mommy! You are a gift from God.