"Missing Piece"

It's been a rough few days. I've officially decided that being a step-parent is more difficult than being a biological parent. My emotions over the past few days have ranged from anxious, angry, sad, and relieved.

Vic made the decision to go reside with some members of his maternal family. He has decided to return to the exact environment that we worked so hard to get him out of. It's hard not to feel that all our time, energy and money have been spent in vain. I imagine the happenings of the past weekend have long been coming but perhaps my forgiving nature, my desire to help, and the overwhelming love I feel for Victor have kept us from making a decision regarding Victor that should have been made months ago.

After leaving home over the weekend without permission and being told he will have consequences to deal with when he returns, Vic came home last night and picked up his belongings. Sitting, with a feeling like my hands were tied behind my back, because of his age (19 in a month), I could do nothing. Nothing but watch and cry as Victor walked out the door without saying a word to me or Hagie, only giving Connor a hug and telling him "keep eating your green beans buddy so you'll be big and strong." Connor and Victor developed a special relationship over the past year and Connor is asking questions about where brother is and why he isn't home. Heartbreaking best describes it.

Today I had to withdraw Victor from school. Trying to hold back the tears as his counselor and the registrar told me how intelligent they think he is and how they wish him all the best. This Momma wishes him all the best too.

When Victor walked out the door he took a piece of me with him. A piece that cannot be replaced by anyone else. A place in my heart that is marked "reserved for Vic" until he decides that he wants to be a part of this family again. My prayer is that he realizes sooner than later that he is making mistakes and will reach out for help. My arms remain open as does my heart despite my own pain and anger.

Victor you are loved beyond measure. Your "second mom" believes in you Buddy!