"Mommy Pains"

Yesterday I experienced something with Connor that left my heart hurting and me feeling like an absolute failure as a mommy. Three days a week my lil guy attends the afterschool program at his Pre-K program. I finish up my last client on those days at 5:30pm and Connor HAS to be picked up by 6pm.

My session ran over by about ten minutes yesterday which left me hauling butt to the school to make it to Connor by 6. Yep, I was flying. I pulled into the school parking lot at 5:58pm....geez two minutes to spare. I open the school door and there sits my little buddy, bookbag on his back and his eyes lit up when he saw me walk through the door. He was the last one to be picked up. As I signed him out, his afterschool leader, walked up to me and whispered that Connor had been upset because he thought "Mommy wasn't coming." My heart fell on the floor I think! Walking to the car,carrying him as he laid his head on my shoulder, I told Connor over and over that Mommy and Daddy would never leave him. I'm not sure this helped. Connor continued to tell me that I didn't come for him and that he was the last one. Heartbreaking. I never want him to feel that way again. And the feelings I feel surrounding this linger. Connor is my world. I knew I was going to pick him up but in his four year old mind all he knew was that all his friends had already left.

So starting today, I vow to leave my last sessions on those three days ON TIME no matter what and I vow to reassure Connor as much as it takes that Mommy will always come for him.