I am fortunate enough to be a part of a "small group" on Monday nights with a group of fabulous ladies. Tonight's discussion centered around the fact that most women juggle more than one hula hoop at at time. I identified my many hula hoops as:
Mother
Stepmother
Wife
Therapist
Taxi-driver
Cook
Cleaning lady
Sister
Daughter
Friend
Juggling my many hula hoops is no easy task. And undoubtedly I cannot keep every hoop afloat perfectly all the time. This is frustrating to me. I want to be the best at everything I do all the time. But I have also learned during time spent with my small group ladies that its okay to set priorities and that I don't have to be perfect at any of it. I just have to do my best.
All that being said, life has a funny way of picking for us sometimes which hula hoop needs to take priority. For me, this week it's my hula hoop with "stepmom" written on it. My heart is heavy with worry for my stepson, who many of you know, I really don't even like to refer to as a stepson because in my heart he's my son! Victor has not had an easy life. His beginning years are confusing to him and their are people in his life that haven't been truthful to him. So at the age of 18, I sit and watch my "son" try to develop an identity for himself and I provide guidance and a listening ear when he asks. This past week I had an experience with Vic that will not be easily forgotten. As I sat on our front porch, enjoying the beautiful sunshine, Vic came outside and sat with me, tears in his eyes. All of the details of that private conversation aren't appropriate to put here, what is important is that I have a "son" that is hurting and I want to take it all away. I want to take all of the emotional pain that he has carried for the majority of his life and throw it away so he doesn't have to hurt anymore. But I cant do that. What I can do is be the best "mom" I can be for him and make myself available to him so that we can share more "porch moments." As we both sat in tears on the front porch, I was reminded that there is a love and trust between him and I that no one may understand and I want to continue to be there for him. Parenting is hard, step-parenting is even harder.
Praying for sunny days ahead for my son Vic and praying that he knows he is loved beyond measure by a stepmother who will always love him as my own.
Praying that the God I serve will provide Vic with peace and comfort. Praying that Vic will come to believe in himself as much as I do and praying that my God keeps him safe in the meantime.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
My Boy is Growing up
This week has been a usual week at the Cook household. Hagie flew off to his second home in Tampa, Vic had school,Connor went to Super Cooper's and I worked. But one thing was different. I registered my baby boy for Pre-K. Wow!
Sitting at the school, filling out the paperwork, all I could think was "oh my where has time gone." Connor will be four in just a few short weeks. Four years old! It has been so much fun watching him grow into this little boy that will soon go to school everyday like a big boy. Of course I am biased, but he is most definitely prepared for what Pre-K has in store. He amazes me everyday with something he says, something he knows, or an observation or story he shares.
I will treasure my days off with him for the next few months. Just as time has flown by from my pregnancy with Connor til now, so will the time between today and his first day of Pre-K. Every moment is cherished.
Sitting at the school, filling out the paperwork, all I could think was "oh my where has time gone." Connor will be four in just a few short weeks. Four years old! It has been so much fun watching him grow into this little boy that will soon go to school everyday like a big boy. Of course I am biased, but he is most definitely prepared for what Pre-K has in store. He amazes me everyday with something he says, something he knows, or an observation or story he shares.
I will treasure my days off with him for the next few months. Just as time has flown by from my pregnancy with Connor til now, so will the time between today and his first day of Pre-K. Every moment is cherished.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Initimate Encounters
I have said it before and I'll say it again, I love my career. The only down side to being a therapist is that on occasion, I feel the same emotional pain for what my clients may be going through that they do. Some days are easier than others at leaving "it" in my office and going home.
One of the reasons I love my job so much is that once trust is established, my clients invite me into their personal space and share some of their most intimate encounters with me. I am thankful to each and every client who invites me "in."
Yesterday, a client that I've been working with for about a year, asked that I come visit her for a "little while" at Emory Hospital. She's been at Emory since January 2, watching her husband slowly decline, end up in pulmonary ICU, and now has been told the end is near. I've worked with her since her husband initially went through chemo and other treatment for esophagus cancer. I showed up at the Emory ICU unit, expecting that she definitely needed some support that was different from what her family and friends could offer but not expecting that she would invite me to sit with her at her dying husband's bedside. At that point, I swallowed my own anxiety for hospitals and beeping machines, and accepted her invite with my own understanding that there was a reason for her request.
My heart broke as I sat, offering comforting words and also making some recommendations as to how she could try to decrease her own anxiety about the situation, all while she sat and held his hand. My poor client was doing what most people do in these situations; she sat, eyes glued to the machine that tracks his heart rate, blood pressure, oxygen etc. It was painful to watch. Nurses would come in and out, offering little direct information and telling my client that she would need to talk to the doctors when they came through for rounds the next day. If any of you have been in her shoes, tomorrow's rounds isn't good enough! Part of being a true social worker/therapist is advocating for your clients and this was my opportunity to do so for her. I grabbed the nurse with my client's permission, and told the nurse that I was her therapist and was there to offer support and help her through an extremely difficult process but that I needed some information in order to do that. Much to my surprise, the nurse was accommodating and revealed that her husband was nearing the end and that the doctors were prepared to talk with my client the next morning about "letting go" and decreasing the support that is keeping her husband alive. For a moment, I had to stand against the wall and work out in my own head exactly what I was going to say to my client, especially since she had asked me to talk to the nurse and get any information that they would give me.
Long story shortened, I sat with my client as she wept over her husband's struggling body and conveyed that maybe it was time to start the "letting go" process and enjoy the moments with her husband. She took my advice and had the monitoring system turned around and silenced and continues to spend each moment with him, moment to moment and she will continue to do this until his body cannot do it anymore.
I am so grateful for this client. She invited me into what will turn out to be her most intimate and painful memories with her husband as he laid there on life support, his body showing signs of deterioration. She soothed him through touch and by telling him it will all be okay; all while on the inside feeling terrified. Her greatest fear was becoming her reality. She would lose her husband at a young age and would be left to parent her 11 yr old son and 16 yr old daughter without him.
Why am I grateful? I am grateful because all though it was her intimate encounter, I was also impacted and was reminded of a valuable lesson. The reminder: live in each moment of every day, treasuring the moments with the people I love every chance I get, not taking any days for granted. Life is delicate, our own mortality not promised from one day to the next.
Thanks to TG for inviting me into her "space" and for allowing me to share her experience with her. TG you have taught me a lesson about life, love, strength and endurance!
One of the reasons I love my job so much is that once trust is established, my clients invite me into their personal space and share some of their most intimate encounters with me. I am thankful to each and every client who invites me "in."
Yesterday, a client that I've been working with for about a year, asked that I come visit her for a "little while" at Emory Hospital. She's been at Emory since January 2, watching her husband slowly decline, end up in pulmonary ICU, and now has been told the end is near. I've worked with her since her husband initially went through chemo and other treatment for esophagus cancer. I showed up at the Emory ICU unit, expecting that she definitely needed some support that was different from what her family and friends could offer but not expecting that she would invite me to sit with her at her dying husband's bedside. At that point, I swallowed my own anxiety for hospitals and beeping machines, and accepted her invite with my own understanding that there was a reason for her request.
My heart broke as I sat, offering comforting words and also making some recommendations as to how she could try to decrease her own anxiety about the situation, all while she sat and held his hand. My poor client was doing what most people do in these situations; she sat, eyes glued to the machine that tracks his heart rate, blood pressure, oxygen etc. It was painful to watch. Nurses would come in and out, offering little direct information and telling my client that she would need to talk to the doctors when they came through for rounds the next day. If any of you have been in her shoes, tomorrow's rounds isn't good enough! Part of being a true social worker/therapist is advocating for your clients and this was my opportunity to do so for her. I grabbed the nurse with my client's permission, and told the nurse that I was her therapist and was there to offer support and help her through an extremely difficult process but that I needed some information in order to do that. Much to my surprise, the nurse was accommodating and revealed that her husband was nearing the end and that the doctors were prepared to talk with my client the next morning about "letting go" and decreasing the support that is keeping her husband alive. For a moment, I had to stand against the wall and work out in my own head exactly what I was going to say to my client, especially since she had asked me to talk to the nurse and get any information that they would give me.
Long story shortened, I sat with my client as she wept over her husband's struggling body and conveyed that maybe it was time to start the "letting go" process and enjoy the moments with her husband. She took my advice and had the monitoring system turned around and silenced and continues to spend each moment with him, moment to moment and she will continue to do this until his body cannot do it anymore.
I am so grateful for this client. She invited me into what will turn out to be her most intimate and painful memories with her husband as he laid there on life support, his body showing signs of deterioration. She soothed him through touch and by telling him it will all be okay; all while on the inside feeling terrified. Her greatest fear was becoming her reality. She would lose her husband at a young age and would be left to parent her 11 yr old son and 16 yr old daughter without him.
Why am I grateful? I am grateful because all though it was her intimate encounter, I was also impacted and was reminded of a valuable lesson. The reminder: live in each moment of every day, treasuring the moments with the people I love every chance I get, not taking any days for granted. Life is delicate, our own mortality not promised from one day to the next.
Thanks to TG for inviting me into her "space" and for allowing me to share her experience with her. TG you have taught me a lesson about life, love, strength and endurance!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
A Mighty Fortress
Hagie and I actually made it to the 9am service before volunteering at our usual hour at 11. We've been saying that we needed to "get it together" and get up early enough to go to service before our time in one of the baby rooms.
So we made the commitment to go this morning and I'm so glad we did! Andy Stanley started a new series entitled "Taking Responsibility for Your Own Life." The entire message was good and I look forward to hearing the rest. At our church, the music is often as powerful as the sermon and I'm often left speechless. I usually view it as whatever stands out and sticks with me is exactly what I needed to hear at the time.
Right before the sermon, one of the singers sang a song about God being a mighty fortress. She had looked up the meaning of a fortress and in one place it was described as "a place of exceptional security." Wow...I liked that. I've never thought of my God that way but it has stuck with me all day and I really want to concentrate on this concept. Thinking of my God as a mighty fortress comes at a perfect time for me. It is comforting for me to think of him this way; especially in the stressful times that are today and when my anxiety feels so overwhelming at times that I often feel stuck. I can rest in the security of my mighty fortress. Now I just have to figure out how :)
So here we are about to start a new week. Hagie will be gone until Friday (which means finding a sitter for late Friday afternoon so I can see my clients), I am working six days this week to make up for not seeing clients on Friday and Saturday due to the snow-ice of 2010, and I'm already feeling anxious about an outpatient surgery that I am having next week. So yes, I think I will lean on my mighty fortress and trust that he is a place of exceptional security and I'll keep trudging along. I look forward to some days where life isn't so stressful and Hagie is home more. I like to rest in the security/safety that Hagie provides me too!
In preparation for the busy week ahead, I'm so proud! I've done some things differently today. Dinner will be on the table by 7, my outfits are picked out and ironed for the week, our bedroom is organized, and I'll be able to rest after dinner is served. This all feels really good!
Signing off, with a positive attitude and outlook!
So we made the commitment to go this morning and I'm so glad we did! Andy Stanley started a new series entitled "Taking Responsibility for Your Own Life." The entire message was good and I look forward to hearing the rest. At our church, the music is often as powerful as the sermon and I'm often left speechless. I usually view it as whatever stands out and sticks with me is exactly what I needed to hear at the time.
Right before the sermon, one of the singers sang a song about God being a mighty fortress. She had looked up the meaning of a fortress and in one place it was described as "a place of exceptional security." Wow...I liked that. I've never thought of my God that way but it has stuck with me all day and I really want to concentrate on this concept. Thinking of my God as a mighty fortress comes at a perfect time for me. It is comforting for me to think of him this way; especially in the stressful times that are today and when my anxiety feels so overwhelming at times that I often feel stuck. I can rest in the security of my mighty fortress. Now I just have to figure out how :)
So here we are about to start a new week. Hagie will be gone until Friday (which means finding a sitter for late Friday afternoon so I can see my clients), I am working six days this week to make up for not seeing clients on Friday and Saturday due to the snow-ice of 2010, and I'm already feeling anxious about an outpatient surgery that I am having next week. So yes, I think I will lean on my mighty fortress and trust that he is a place of exceptional security and I'll keep trudging along. I look forward to some days where life isn't so stressful and Hagie is home more. I like to rest in the security/safety that Hagie provides me too!
In preparation for the busy week ahead, I'm so proud! I've done some things differently today. Dinner will be on the table by 7, my outfits are picked out and ironed for the week, our bedroom is organized, and I'll be able to rest after dinner is served. This all feels really good!
Signing off, with a positive attitude and outlook!
Saturday, January 9, 2010
I get it!!
Growing up, I remember all the important females in my life (my mom, memaw, my aunt, my grandmother) being extremely protective of the "nice things" in their homes. I can remember getting in trouble if mom didn't think I was treating the nice things in our home the way she wanted me too. For instance, only certain pillows could go on the floor, eating on her new couches was a no-no and even now she is protective of her furniture and her carpet. Boy, mom, I get you!! As a child, I definitely didn't get it and as a teenager I really wasn't busy thinking about the money my mom and dad spent on the things in our home or the sacrifices they made to make our home look the way it did. BUT now I totally get it.
Hagie and I work hard every day to provide for and create a home environment that is both cozy and inviting for company. One of the things I truly enjoy is buying new things for our home, pieces of furniture, pictures, and other accessories to make our home complete. So I sit here in complete frustration because while I was busy cooking my family dinner, Connor was busying drawing on my dining room table with an ink pen. He's four, yes he is young, but he also knows that drawing on the table is a no-no, he doesn't have to understand why yet. But I'm also upset because there were two others at home that, had they been paying any attention, would have realized that Connor was being a little too quiet. I'm sure something will be said about this blog, but that's okay, its my blog and I'm expressing how it feels to me to know that my table now has marks that cannot be removed!
Yep, I'm angry too! My table that I haven't even had a year yet, spent my own earned money to purchase, now has nice ink pen drawings on it. Not what I would consider a nice accessory to my dining room table!
Now that I've vented, I am going to let it go. But not before apologizing to my mom for the many times, I'm sure, for not showing appreciation for the nice things in our home growing up. And I'm sorry for not understanding why your nice things were important to you. I'm sorry mom.
Hagie and I work hard every day to provide for and create a home environment that is both cozy and inviting for company. One of the things I truly enjoy is buying new things for our home, pieces of furniture, pictures, and other accessories to make our home complete. So I sit here in complete frustration because while I was busy cooking my family dinner, Connor was busying drawing on my dining room table with an ink pen. He's four, yes he is young, but he also knows that drawing on the table is a no-no, he doesn't have to understand why yet. But I'm also upset because there were two others at home that, had they been paying any attention, would have realized that Connor was being a little too quiet. I'm sure something will be said about this blog, but that's okay, its my blog and I'm expressing how it feels to me to know that my table now has marks that cannot be removed!
Yep, I'm angry too! My table that I haven't even had a year yet, spent my own earned money to purchase, now has nice ink pen drawings on it. Not what I would consider a nice accessory to my dining room table!
Now that I've vented, I am going to let it go. But not before apologizing to my mom for the many times, I'm sure, for not showing appreciation for the nice things in our home growing up. And I'm sorry for not understanding why your nice things were important to you. I'm sorry mom.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Feelings
We all have feelings for a reason. Feelings are signals. Sometimes we act on them, sometimes we don't. Life gets tricky when we feel things that we don't know what to do with. It's hard to decide if, when and how to act on certain emotions. And whether or not our feelings are reactive to something or someone or if they are our little inner voice. What I do know is that not all feelings are intended to be acted on!
I guess this is all a part of maturity and being an adult. But it sure isn't fun sometimes. Today I'd like to be four. A child with no worries,lots of toys and no understanding of the stress that comes along with getting older. Today is a day of many emotions. For today,I am going to sit with them. I am going to pray because that is all I know to do.
I guess this is all a part of maturity and being an adult. But it sure isn't fun sometimes. Today I'd like to be four. A child with no worries,lots of toys and no understanding of the stress that comes along with getting older. Today is a day of many emotions. For today,I am going to sit with them. I am going to pray because that is all I know to do.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
The Beginning of a New Year, the Good and Bad so far....
My thoughtful hubby mentioned a couple of months ago that he wanted to stay somewhere nice for New Year's Eve, and leave the boys behind. What busy wife, mommy and therapist can pass that up! So we booked a room at the Ritz Carlton Atlanta, club level, made dinner reservations, enlisted our good friends,The Renes, and off we went!
Staying on the club level, you HAVE to take advantage of the appetizers, open bar, and light snacks they provide throughout the day so we checked in at 4 and didn't meet up with our friends til 7pm. That meant plenty of time for the club level lounge.
Connor stayed with Nana and Pawpaw and Vic went to a cousin's house. About 5pm, we got a call from my mom that Connor was reacting to what seemed like an ant bite but that all was under control. Medication given, bath taken, temperature down and breathing normal. Of course, this didn't keep this momma from worrying about my lil man but I knew he was in good hands with my parents and that they would call if anything changed.
So the night went on....dinner at the midtown Melting Pot...bring on the cheese!! That's my favorite part. After an intimate dinner with great conversation and laughs, we headed back to the Ritz for a dance celebration. Now yes, I admit, any dance party that happens at a hotel is sure to be cheezy but it was free, they played good music and I just can't pass up an opportunity to boogy! We rang in the New Year on the dance floor, toasting to an exciting and hopeful 2010! And Nana had called to say Connor was playing and feeling better so all was good in our world!
New Year's Day we went to pick up our little Connor but not before enjoying our club level breakfast and buying new living room furniture. When we arrived, we noticed that one of Connor's ant bites had swollen up and his appetite wasn't great. His temp was down, he played but we could tell he just didn't feel well. Well....by 11:30pm, Connor was running a temperature of 103, his navel was red and swollen shut and he obviously just didn't feel good. Off to the ER we went :(. Fortunately, there was no initial wait and Connor was put in a room immediately. After an IV of antibiotics, a suppository of Tylenol and a lot of examination, the doctor believes that he reacted to the ant bite and also developed a secondary infection from the scratching.
I tell you, the worse part about being a parent is watching your child be stuck and prodded and not being able to protect them. As the nurse laid across Connor to hold him down so the other nurse could set up an IV port in his hand, my eyes filled with tears, if only I could have been the one to go through it, not Connor. Blood was drawn and labs were done. Scary..."Mr. and Mrs. Cook we will want to keep him in the hospital if his white blood cell count is too high." Not what we wanted to hear at 2am! The labs took an hour but returned good results. His blood counts were good and we could go home but not without ten days, 3x a day of antibiotic and directions to keep his fever down and monitor the bite sight for growth.
Anytime Connor is sick or has been taken to the ER, I would trade places with him if I could. At his age, they seem so helpless. Although it wasn't an ideal way to spend the early morning hours of January 2nd of the new year, I feel reassured that God is in control and Connor was provided with the care and courage he needed to get through some not so fun medical tests....for that I am thankful. I am thankful that I have a God I can pray to when I am scared, anxious or upset.
So as January 2nd continues, I am practicing my mindfulness skills and living in the moment. Laying in my pj's with Connor and Hagie, watching all the movies we can stand. I wouldn't be anywhere else!
Thank you God for giving me the absolute best parents ever, for giving Connor the greatest Nana and Pawpaw any child could ever have and for providing comfort during a scary situation! Continuing to pray that Connor gets a little better every hour that passes and that he takes his antibiotic willingly so that IV antibiotics don't become necessary.
Here's hoping and praying that 2010 brings no more ER visits, maybe we got our visit out of the way early in 2010 to make room for bigger and better experiences!
Staying on the club level, you HAVE to take advantage of the appetizers, open bar, and light snacks they provide throughout the day so we checked in at 4 and didn't meet up with our friends til 7pm. That meant plenty of time for the club level lounge.
Connor stayed with Nana and Pawpaw and Vic went to a cousin's house. About 5pm, we got a call from my mom that Connor was reacting to what seemed like an ant bite but that all was under control. Medication given, bath taken, temperature down and breathing normal. Of course, this didn't keep this momma from worrying about my lil man but I knew he was in good hands with my parents and that they would call if anything changed.
So the night went on....dinner at the midtown Melting Pot...bring on the cheese!! That's my favorite part. After an intimate dinner with great conversation and laughs, we headed back to the Ritz for a dance celebration. Now yes, I admit, any dance party that happens at a hotel is sure to be cheezy but it was free, they played good music and I just can't pass up an opportunity to boogy! We rang in the New Year on the dance floor, toasting to an exciting and hopeful 2010! And Nana had called to say Connor was playing and feeling better so all was good in our world!
New Year's Day we went to pick up our little Connor but not before enjoying our club level breakfast and buying new living room furniture. When we arrived, we noticed that one of Connor's ant bites had swollen up and his appetite wasn't great. His temp was down, he played but we could tell he just didn't feel well. Well....by 11:30pm, Connor was running a temperature of 103, his navel was red and swollen shut and he obviously just didn't feel good. Off to the ER we went :(. Fortunately, there was no initial wait and Connor was put in a room immediately. After an IV of antibiotics, a suppository of Tylenol and a lot of examination, the doctor believes that he reacted to the ant bite and also developed a secondary infection from the scratching.
I tell you, the worse part about being a parent is watching your child be stuck and prodded and not being able to protect them. As the nurse laid across Connor to hold him down so the other nurse could set up an IV port in his hand, my eyes filled with tears, if only I could have been the one to go through it, not Connor. Blood was drawn and labs were done. Scary..."Mr. and Mrs. Cook we will want to keep him in the hospital if his white blood cell count is too high." Not what we wanted to hear at 2am! The labs took an hour but returned good results. His blood counts were good and we could go home but not without ten days, 3x a day of antibiotic and directions to keep his fever down and monitor the bite sight for growth.
Anytime Connor is sick or has been taken to the ER, I would trade places with him if I could. At his age, they seem so helpless. Although it wasn't an ideal way to spend the early morning hours of January 2nd of the new year, I feel reassured that God is in control and Connor was provided with the care and courage he needed to get through some not so fun medical tests....for that I am thankful. I am thankful that I have a God I can pray to when I am scared, anxious or upset.
So as January 2nd continues, I am practicing my mindfulness skills and living in the moment. Laying in my pj's with Connor and Hagie, watching all the movies we can stand. I wouldn't be anywhere else!
Thank you God for giving me the absolute best parents ever, for giving Connor the greatest Nana and Pawpaw any child could ever have and for providing comfort during a scary situation! Continuing to pray that Connor gets a little better every hour that passes and that he takes his antibiotic willingly so that IV antibiotics don't become necessary.
Here's hoping and praying that 2010 brings no more ER visits, maybe we got our visit out of the way early in 2010 to make room for bigger and better experiences!
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