A New Chapter

The Cook's have had a busy summer so I'll use that as my excuse as to why I haven't blogged in quite a while. A quick catch up: Hagie and I went on a long weekend trip to San Fran which was absolutely delightful; we took a family vacation to the beach for a week; attended two weddings and Connor played his second season of T-Ball. That's right, his second season, you might as well say he's pro!



Summer winded down for the Cook's three weeks ago when my boys started school. Vic is now a senior. I am proud of him for sticking with it. He seems to feel right at home, his second year at Decatur High School. He has plenty of friends and has his own routine in place. Now mind you...this momma thinks his routine could use some tweeking! We are working on that.

Connor has started Pre-K. Wow! My baby goes to school. Connor has had the same sitter since he was 12 months old so we were a little worried about the transition. Evidently Connor was not. My little guy amazes me with his enthusiasm for his "new school" as he calls it and the look of joy he has on his face is a momma's dream come true. He has transitioned into his new school, has already won over the heart of his teacher and takes pride in telling me that he can get to his classroom "all by myself."

I have to say that the new routine that has come with school being in session is a welcome relief. I do better with routine and our routine makes for a much smoother day to day process.

The Cook household is awake and moving by 6:20am. This leaves plenty of time for breakfast, a cup of coffee, a little bit of cartoons and a few minutes for this mommy to sit and embrace my game plan for the day. Getting up at 6:20 makes for a long day for all of us. C-man is ready for bed by 7pm which means time is limited on the days I work. So on Mon, Wed, and Friday Connor stays at the after school program until I finish up at work and he is more than ready to be picked up by the time I get there. After pick up,it's dinner time (most of us know what a challenge that can be), bath time, story time and snuggle time. Snuggle time is my favorite part of the day.

Monday through Fridays are completely structured and this is working for all of us. The best part: I have managed to schedule exercise time 3-4x a week. Ahhhh, the feeling of a good workout!

Hagie continues to travel each week. This is hard on all of us. We miss him when he is gone. Cute story: This past Saturday Connor pounced out of bed and asked if he was going to his new school. I explained to him that it was the weekend and he would go back on Monday. His response "you mean when daddy goes back to work." Me: "yes baby when daddy goes back to work." Connor then turn to his daddy and says "Daddy you can go ahead and go back to work now then." My boy loves his new school.

So there you have it....a quick summary of the Cook household.

Another Year

Thirty-four is approaching quickly. And it comes with stress, decisions, and hope that the upcoming year will bring some changes and happiness with it. That's not to say that 33 has been bad but it's definitely been a challenging year for me. Within the past year, my private practice has grown steady and busy, I've become a full-time stepmom to a 18 yr old who has a mind of his own and Hagie continues to travel every week. And let me not forget that busy little four-year old that lights up my life each and every day :)

I am fully aware that I'm not getting any younger and that a sibling for Connor would be ideal. But many days and nights I find myself questioning for WHO??? Would I like another child...absolutely....do I think its the best time in my life to be making that decision....not really. This creates quite a sense of internal conflict. Maybe part of my internal conflict is knowing what I can and cannot handle.

There's an internal conflict brewing between my faith that all works out the way it should and my logic that tells me to try and control everything that I can. I'm not sure those two things fit together. I mean, if I'm going to have faith, then shouldn't I trust it all the time???? And where does logic fit in? At what point do you take decision making into your own hands and pray for the best?? And is there a time when this is just plain irrational?

"Ouch"

I have been in private practice for two years now and working in the clinical field for over 12 years. One main trend I see regularly is that shame, guilt, disappointment and embarrassment are emotions that the majority of people are not equipped to deal with. Myself included.

When I see clients that are dealing with the above emotions, it usually seems appropriate to begin the process of self-forgiveness. The process of self-forgiveness can be added to the category of ...."ouch, this is not fun."

I work clients through this process every week. I sit with them in their pain, when appropriate I encourage them to use their faith to aide them, and I encourage them to be gentle with themselves through the process. As a clinician, it is a privilege to work with clients through this process and see the outcome on the other end.

The lesson is the same whether you are helping someone or going through it yourself: negative feelings turned inwards are not easy. They are confusing and even when you have faith, sometimes reaching out to that "faith" is not as easy as it sounds. The "fix" is a struggle and there is a lesson to be learned from of all negative feelings we feel.

Underlying the emotions of shame, embarrassment, guilt,disappointment, etc there is usually an initial feeling that starts it all. Before you can learn the lesson of self-forgiveness, one must understand the reasons for their own behaviors and that too doesn't come at the end of a magic wand.

I'm rambling but what I am trying to express is simply this: emotions....the good, bad, and the ugly are all present to teach us lessons if we are willing to pay attention to them and learn from them as we go along.

Signing off... and practicing the importance of paying attention to the wide range of emotions that all of us encounter at some point in our lives.

Big Things Poppin

This past week has been a FANTASTIC one at the Cook household. My four year old has actually eaten some decent food. For the first time EVER, my child ate Chick fil A nuggets. It took two hours to get him to eat TWO nuggets but it was worth the two hours and the two glasses of wine it took me to get through it:)

I don't want to go on and on but I do want to document what my kiddo has eaten this week because it truly is an answered prayer. Not a day goes by that this momma doesn't pray that my baby will eat "normal" food. God has been listening :)

On Connor's menu this week was:
Four Cheese Ravioli
Chicken nuggets
Mac n Cheese
Garlic Cheese bread
Pot Roast
Mashed Potatoes
Apple Jacks with milk

May not seem like a big deal to some but this is a HUGE deal for us!

Hooray for Eating!!

Breaking news at the Cook household: Connor is on a good eating streak. Day 3 here we come. For the past two nights, I have been able to get him to eat his dinner, which was no different than anyone else's in the house. Finally, I think he is able to understand fully how actions and consequences work together...and he doesn't want Mommy to eat his most prized possession: his Easter Reese's Peanut Butter eggs.

So for the past two nights, he has enjoyed yummy Mac n Cheese from Trader Joes and garlic cheese toast. Both of these are small miracles. He tried it and liked it! This means a lot at our household.

This morning, Connor joined me at the table for a bowl of cereal, with milk. And liked it :).

Since my sidekick is eating well and trying new things, I did what any mother would do and went and bought out Target's leftover stock of the Easter Peanut Butter eggs to use as a reward :). Gotta do what you gotta do.

Fine Lines

Okay, so I've written about parenting in past blogs but over the past nine months I have to come to realize that I could probably blog about parenting every day. There is ALWAYS something. Good and bad.

Today I am struggling with the fine line between hovering too much or letting go and watching "my" oldest make poor decisions that will eventually lead to consequences; some of which already have. It's doesn't help my confusion, frustration and worry when he says to me "you shouldn't care so much."

Can a parent ever care "too much?". Once they reach a certain age, do you sit on the sidelines and not be an active participant in helping them make good decisions in their journey called "life?" When does providing guidance and nurturance become overbearing to an eighteen year-old? Are natural consequences better than any consequences I can dish out? How do I protect my heart when I so desperately want the best for him? And is it even fair to expect as a mother that I have the right to protect my heart?

Seems I have a lot of questions and very few answers. Attempting to parent my teenager makes parenting my four year old feel as stressful as a game of Go Fish. You just cannot compare Go Fish to a game of strategic Chess!

I was hoping that the process of writing this would give me some clarity. It didn't. Well, maybe I do have one clear thought. I do believe in the power of natural consequences. I also believe that natural consequences can be good and bad. Good decisions lead to positive natural consequences and bad decisions lead to negative natural consequences. As a parent, it's the natural consequences of the poor decisions that are difficult to observe and accept. I suppose I was also reminded within the past few minutes that I don't have to like or support all of my teenager's decisions or his attitude for that matter; but I do have an obligation to provide him with a positive, loving environment that will hopefully make a lasting difference one day. It's the "in the meantime" that is both nerve-racking and frustrating.

I found this quote and it seems fitting:

The hardest part of raising a child is teaching them to ride bicycles. A shaky child on a bicycle for the first time needs both support and freedom. The realization that this is what the child will always need can hit hard. ~Sloan Wilson

Guess I am dealing with the mixed feelings of loosening the rope and giving him room to learn from his own decisions when all I really want to do is tie him to the rope.

"This thing is of Me"

I enjoyed another Monday with my small group. Having small group on Monday nights starts my week off in such a positive way. I gain so much!

I love the ability to use my blog as a forum for sharing what I learn each week and what I am working on accepting on this journey called life. T\his week the chapter in "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" spoke of many things but there is one thing that stands out the most. Quoted from the book, "This thing is from me." Does this mean that ALL things are gifts?? I had to read this sentence over and over again. The bottom line: whether good or bad, elating or devastating, positive or negative, happy or sad, all things are from my heavenly father.

Like most people, it is extremely easy to accept the good things in our lives as being from him, a gift. The spouse/partner of our dreams, healthy children, beautiful homes, stable jobs, good health, supportive friends, "God Winks" when we least expect them and travel opportunities. When these things among many others occur, I am quick to thank God for my blessings and accept them as being a gift from him.

The flip side is that, for me, when something unexpected occurs such as an unexpected bill, a sick child, a parenting hurtle, death or illness, emotional disappointments, and life struggles in general, its not as easy to thank God and its certainly even more difficult to think of these things as gifts.

However, this week I am learning to find comfort in the statement "All things are from me." The good and the bad. Wow...this one is hard. But it makes sense to me. Being human, I don't believe that I am meant to understand all things as they occur. Rather the big picture is revealed to me on his time not mine. That's is where I often get stuck. In my mind, I want things to happen on "Stacie time" and well that just isn't going to happen. Something interesting that tied all this together for me in this book is that God's logic is not my logic. His logic is perfect. Mine is not.

So...I'm going to keep concentrating on the idea that "All things are from him," and that his logic is far better than mine even when I don't understand it. I suppose that's a pretty good definition of faith. Faith for me means believing and trusting even when I can't see the entire picture and even when I don't understand "the bad."

I got to share this with a close girlfriend that is having an emotionally and physically challenging week. She amazes me. She has faith and works hard on letting go of situations that she has no control over. It's admirable. I want to be like her when I grow up :)

Til then, I going to work on accepting my gifts even when I don't think the wrapping paper is very pretty :)